Aason's Story

Dedicated just, to you.

2012-01-09T12:36:00.003+08:00

I never thought writing a post just for you, would be so difficult because of things running through my mind. And of course! All of them are those happy moments that we shared going through all type of nonsense that’s constantly trying to stop us in our track together. I won’t say things between us have been going really well especially when I’m in camp, but the feeling of just booking out, meeting and seeing you is really enough to make me feel happy in my life whenever I’m out here.

Girl, I know life without me out here with you is like having endless count of waves slowing and pushing you back, slowly putting you down alone and you are already struggling with it. I’m sorry for not being able to stay awake longer, just to talk awhile longer because I’m worn out. I know things might become tough, you might become lonely when time goes by without me being by your side. I just hope you’ll know, I’m really trying to be always around as often as possible even though I’m in there. And definitely, I hope you will take great care of yourself because it meant everything for me while I’m in there.

And Stacey Charlene Chew, I admit, it’s just easy for me to talk the talk while I’m in there because I have bunk mates, friends or maybe even sergeant to share problems with but I know it’s just you and you alone at times. And I’m just so sorry for not being able to keep up with the phone calls because I always seem/sound so exhausted after a long day of training but I’m trying my best, always trying if you have notice it. I don’t mind staying up late at night to talk, after all, it’s the only form of communication we have right now. But I hope you understand, things will be fine for you out there, it’ll get better! Don’t be pulled down by others opinion, whatever they say. After all, if you want some rainbow, you gonna put up with some rain, isn’t it?

I know I might not be the best at everything, perhaps I did try but constantly failing miserably hahaha, but I just want you to know, if it wasn’t for your encouragement throughout this whole 1 year-going-5 months relationship, I probably won’t even know where I’m ending up at already. I appreciate the moments you tried to make me feel happy by cheering me up, playing games that I play with me, buying stuff for me, but what I really want, is just you to be happier. Maybe not everyone knows, but I know very damn well, how much you want life to be a lot better. How much you want to do things you wish you could do but there’s always just that “requirement” to stop you from doing it. How much you wish your past could be undone and start all over again. How many things you regretted in your entire life now. But I know, you’re really a tough and strong girl and definitely, without me here, I believe you can still get through life without much problems although you might struggle a little.

And of course, I’m not encouraging you to leave :( I’m just saying that if you need that little extra boost from me, I’m always there, maybe not 24/7, but at least 12/7? I don’t know but yeah, I’m trying my best as well. I’m not perfect, I know you don’t ask me to be either but I’m just trying to be, so you’ll feel much safer about things between us. Maybe I tried too hard that things just fall apart on me, but I always get back up just to make sure you are alright first before checking if I am fine.

2 years, anything could happen between us, I won’t guarantee it will be entirely fruitful but if we really do, really did get through all this tough time, I really can’t be any happier and at least for me, I’ve been thinking that we really did get through and endure through this 2 years of nightmare just to see that rainbow we’ve been waiting for. But if things fall out upon us which I hope not. I’m happy. I’m beyond satisfied for the countless moments we spent together just to make each other happy. I’m happy enough to say you are my girlfriend, and I’m really proud about it. Of course, I really didn’t regret the amount of time spent together. Maybe I’ve always been playing games but I love it when you try to play those games along with me, and yeah, it’s kinda selfish for me as well hahaha.

After all, which girl would try to play “DOTA” with their boyfriend, they just find it simply boring but not you girl, you tried and I’m always scolding you and end up feeling so guilty after that. Not to talk about League Of Legends, which was worst because I took games pretty seriously right after that. Maybe I really wanna pursue a career in this game, I don’t know but I guess I’m just finding a group of people I can join tournament with and I hope you improve much better and we can do this together HAHAHA anyway you did improve so much more and I’m so proud of it :)

But above all these written, I just want to say, thank you very much for trying, I might scold you a lot of times, but I’m really changing for the better, perhaps I stopped taking all these seriously because I realize, time that I have remaining, be it 1, 2 or better 3 days, it’s really much more worth it if we spent it encouraging, cheering, doing things with each other up. Yes, I’m sorry for not realizing it earlier hahaha but I promise, I’ll try and make all the time booking out as fruitful as possible.

We might not share the best relationship, but we share a lot of perfect moments that I wish I could record and playback over and over again but I definitely want things to go on because who knows, maybe we have yet to discover the even better, perhaps awesome memories we’re suppose to find together. I hope you’ll be patient enough to wait because things are much tougher for you, and because I know I will as it’s easier for me. Oh and just before I end, I’m sorry for nagging and repeating times and again about stuff because I’m worried about your forgetful character back then, maybe I’m too used to it hahaha but I’m really sorry and I meant well, hope you know it hehe.

Last but not least, maybe you read from top to bottom and feel nothing :( But I just can’t find any moment to tell you all these stuff because I feel really shy about it as well, or rather, I just get so tongue tied wanting to tell you so much unspoken stuff. I’m happy just being with you, and really comfortable and hope you will enjoy all the time we have whenever I’m out here and not in there. Being contented right now might not be enough, but if we bear through this 2 years, trust me, we will really find much more awesome moment that we really should discover.

I love you, Stacey Charlene Chew.

Right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment.

A sense of sentimental thoughts..

2011-07-15T04:09:00.000+08:00

When was the last time anyone of us took the time to just look at the old pictures all of us used to take whenever we are all gathered at one place? Then, I took a look at some of them, and slowly one album after another, pain strikes deeply into my heart.

I took one long deep breath trying to hold everything back together but the more I try holding them back, the more it haunt my memories and inflict countless pain in my heart. All these while, all she wanted was for everything to revert back to normal but all I know, years before now, I know, it will never ever happen ever again. It's just, impossible..

Time flies, it has been nearly 3 years since everything happened and yet, time doesn't bury everything, but instead, when you bring them up, it haunts you over and over again, especially when you are isolating yourself in a quiet and peaceful hour.

I felt a sharp ache right in my heart, like how every other time it would whenever I had the thought about it. I feel like opening up my heart to people, even to strangers whom I don't even know, but I know, it won't make me feel any better and only worst.

I fear of depression, but I am confident enough to overwhelm it, I'm never gonna fall to it. I must, embrace myself through all these, no matter what comes, I need to hold on, even if it isn't for others, I must, hold on for myself no matter what.

I wished, I was brave enough to stand up for everything just years before it happened.

I wished, everything was fine just like how she did.

I wished, nothing of these would've happened.

I wished, to enjoy the feeling of a union yet again.

I wished, to bring these once-in-a-while haunting memories away.

I wished, for them to be happier.

I wished, for things to be cleared up.

But I know, things will just keep on getting more and more complicated.

I miss you, mom.

Everybody thinks that being an atheist is fucked. Well, look around and see, you're twice as fucked as me.

2011-06-18T02:39:00.001+08:00

When was it?

2011-04-05T22:48:00.003+08:00

I have been working lately, it made me realized how much free time I actually have in my hands. Free time standing there smiling at passerby, whether they buy things from the shop or they didn't, it made me realize, time standing there just for money is.. empty? I definitely miss working at cinema of course, time goes by faster and definitely more lively. But of course, I enjoy working at the current place now, so far so good, at least there's friendly work mates around, makes the day better you see. But of course, there's definitely a particular person that you would find yourself starting to dislike after a period of time. Arrogant and cocky as a person can be I would say, basic respect is definitely a must after all, isn't it? But oh well, who would have known that such person is in a higher position :( Suffocating!

I was working the other day, then it strike me hard, mad hard in my mind. When was the last time I actually shopped with my parents? Or rather, when was yours? I thought about it on my way back home, or rather it's been going about in my mind lately. It's been long, way too long.. I still remember where we went for the last time though, although I am not certain about when was it. I still remember going to Takashimaya's LV shop to browse around for bags and other stuff before heading back to Westmall for dinner. Or rather, I met mom first before we went over to Sentosa and find dad and after that, we went to Vivocity. I also remember getting 100 dollars because dad was happy? Lol, that's all I could recall.

I have been enjoying work anyway, if "time-pass-faster"... it's definitely fun when people enjoy your service and attitude, at least there's a sense of appreciation. And once again, the people that usually would spoil a person's mood is those with stuck-up attitude. But I haven't met any so far yet, at least not like when I was working in cinema. I still remember having complain over the film being "too vulgar" when it's already rated M-18, and he even watched half of the film already! Totally ruin my mood arguing over it with him lol.

Oh right, I wanted to tumblr or blog lately, but haven't had the time, even now, I'm "drawing" some time to just write these. Time flies, 1 paper ended, I still got paper to do on monday and friday, gosh it's gonna be a long week and weekend for sure.... Hope I'll start revision soon, as soon as getting the notes from my classmate of course! Other than that, have a nice week people, enjoy yourself!

Ciao.

Choked

2011-03-17T17:23:00.002+08:00

Have you ever have that sinking and painful feeling, when everything you wanna say just choked onto your heart instantly despite the fact that you really fucking want to say it out loud and it fucking hurts like shit?

Have you ever thought about the consequences you have to bear after saying things out, the outcome of everything and will it affect others although it hurts you like shit when you are trying not to fucking hurt anyone else other than yourself?

Have you ever come across a time when you fucking grew sick and tired of life, be it misery or happiness, you just feel so sick of everything and want to let go and give up but there's something that keeps you alive but it still hurt every now and then?

Have you ever thought about what other people contribute in their part, did they get what they deserve to get, and what you should or shouldn't do just to appreciate their effort when that's all they wanted?

Have you ever feel insecurity and needed that assurance just to move on with everything but the assurance just isn't really given by the certain person but your own mind, which tells you that it is assured?

Have you ever put yourself in other people shoes and think for them and why they act this way and not just follow what you want them to do because after all, they are who they are and you just gonna accept it?

Have you ever fall so deep into a pit that you just don't want to climb back up at all, and just hope someone will pull you up instead?

I can only hope for things to get better every time things shattered apart. I just have one wish, and wishes don't come true, so I guess I'll just fuck that already.

Philophobia yet autophobia

2011-03-11T12:19:00.004+08:00

I thought about the times we agreed on to discuss about things, but I guess there wasn't really a need to. All I wanted was to feel that simple sense of security. But every moment when you start flirting with other guys through text message, phone calls, it just didn't feel right. I feel scared of being alone, fear of you being taken away when you appear as though you are really walking away..

Have you ever came across reading a post that hurt you so badly that it penetrate deeply through the heart to the extent that even now, every single thought of it will just kill you slowly and quietly inside? The fear of entering just to check if the post have been much happier. But at the end of the day, it didn't change. Maybe you are too lazy to update it, I'd understand that. But every now and then when I thought about it, it still cut very deeply..

I thought about the time I tried to understand you but it didn't work out, you were mad at me and I just hope that you know, I was really trying. I just hope you will tell me things beforehand, what's your plan and not just tell me right after it is decided. I know I am nobody to restrict you and your freedom but I just hope you will understand, I just want you to rest and not just go out and come back at the end of the day feeling tired like mad..

Have you ever felt that happiness when I am doing the things we both like or things you like to do, or that sorrow loneliness feeling I felt whenever I ran away from you yet at the end, I ran back just to see you once more hoping to fix things right. I always have so much to say, just hoping we will both have time to spent on talking, just a simple conversation on certain things. But I know, I have no confidence in things like this, even in a simple chat because everything just fall apart sometimes without me knowing when I am really trying hard..

I thought about the times when I am really trying as hard as I could, just to make you feel better yet it doesn't work. I feel disappointed in myself, all I could do was to blame myself for making you feel that way. The times whenever I feel angry about things, I couldn't control my emotion at all and say the right things at all, the aftermaths of knowing and thinking about what I said, it only kills me more than you. I feel shameless, fucked up and just have myself to blame. The worst feeling above them all is when I can't cry when I really need to let it out, I can only let it cry and burn in my heart..

Have you ever see me crying alone, how it feels to have no one at all to talk to when things fall apart when what I'm trying to fix didn't get fixed at all. All I could do was to cry alone and think about every single wave in life that hit me so hard that it makes me fall deeper and deeper and couldn't get up at all and when I do, the number of times when I got up and hope to be stronger again but at the end, it still fail terribly..

I thought about the happiest moment we have together, it makes me smile yet cry at the same time, hoping just for another minute of those moment, I'd die for it. But I know, it won't be possible just hoping for it. And the sad moments when I have to bear with your cold shoulders while I try and make you to talk to me, which always kill me badly but I just couldn't tell you because I'm afraid you won't even talk to me if I told you things..

Have you ever feel the sense of security with me while I am trying all along to make you feel more secured by telling you things first before I do them. The amount of time and effort I really try and commit to make you trust me totally when all I hope to hear from you is "I trust you.". But I know, it's hard because your heart's been broken before and it's not easy but all I want to let you know is that, I really have been trying so hard to let you know that I never did anything bad at all to you during this period of time..

I thought about the fear you feel whenever I get angry, I got guilty. I couldn't bring myself to face you at all every time you told me you are afraid of seeing me. I know I am bad tempered and I want to thank you for bearing with me because it really isn't that easy to control for me and I am trying my best at least for these days when all the problems are crashing down on me..

Have you ever know that I fear of you when you get agitated by things I want to do just to make you feel happy instead and no, it failed and got you more angry. I fear of causing you to be angry and thus, keeping all the happy things I wanna share to myself quietly until you feel much better. I fear that getting you agitated will make you do things you do out of anger because that's what everyone does..

All I wanna say is that, I am sorry, put every blame on me, be it the past, present, every now and then of the things I did. I am sorry to caused you so much trouble and misery. I didn't meant to because all I really want is to see you being happier. It doesn't matter or not even if I am writing this post with tears overwhelming in my eyes but please, do things you feel comfortable with, do things that you won't regret, work hard on everything you can, be more optimistic and lastly, please be happier..

Every time I see someone better than me, I feel afraid and threaten to myself. I am never good enough because the more I try to perfect everything, the more I screw things up. I just hope things will get better.....

No one...

2011-03-03T02:00:00.002+08:00

No one likes to be compared.

No one likes to be neglected.

No one likes to be judged.

No one likes to be jealous.

No one likes to be hated.

No one likes to be pitied.

And I'm sorry because I'm also part of that "no one" list.

My heart shattered to pieces again.....

2011-03-01T02:22:00.002+08:00

I am really upset right now. I really don't know the trust we built constantly, where has it gone to.I really don't know what is wrong with us, when we promised to try to make things right, things just fall apart. I really don't know what must I do, to maintain everything in perfect shape. I am so happy each time I think about having you by my side, but each time we fall apart without any apparent reason, it tear me to pieces.

I just wish, you won't say things when you are going through emotional times.

I just wish, you would apologize for things you don't mean.

I just wish, things would be better.

I just wish, I could be better.

But I realized,

I can't.

That special sense of feelings...

2011-02-05T02:17:00.001+08:00

When was the last time you lost something precious yet you found something similar but the feeling just doesn't feel the same? I went over my brother's place to feed his dog (while he is away for a trip to Malaysia) and being a dog lover, I was delighted to be greeted by the dog of course.

However, the feeling just isn't the same. I remember feeling extra happy and secured with Miki around. I remember feeling more energetic with Miki around. I remember how soft Miki fur is. And I definitely remember how long has it been since the last time I saw her.

That's not all, have you ever feel that sense of security whenever you are with the one you love? The sense of comfortability whenever you are with them? Do you look at the small good deeds people done for you or do you actually just judge things based on that instant moment? People make mistakes, but sometimes, I really didn't intentionally pissed you off easily because I really didn't realize such things I didn't do would just pissed you off.

I don't know how things would go, I could only hope for the best while I am sitting wide awake now, alone writing this post and thinking about whatever fuck up shit I've been through today, I am exhausted physically, that is for sure but I am not tired. I can't get to bed at all and it's giving me headache.. Am I getting one step, two step or even three step further from you? I don't know... I don't dare to think about it because, I really don't know.....

I guess, at a moment like this, all I could do is try and keep quiet, and hope for the best. I should try and sleep.... Good night, as if anyone is even reading.

Almost losing someone dearest..

2011-01-28T21:21:00.002+08:00

Have you ever experience the feeling of almost losing someone close to you, someone who watch you grow up, someone who aid you along your path in life? Or maybe someone close like your parents? I was packing my stuff and eating my meals cooked by my dad recently and it strike me hard. He was a "survivor" from lung cancer, no doubt, he was once a heavy smoker.

This topic hit me pretty badly, after watching the recent episode of HIMYM, "Last Words". I still remember the period of time I was going through, coping with this news while I was having fun in C7's chalet, definitely have to thank C7's people for cheering me up that day, the day my mom held all her courage and gave me that call telling me my dad has cancer.

I didn't really consider him close to me at first, at least not until knowing he has cancer. The fear of losing him suddenly hit me so badly. The person whom always forgive and forget about mistakes I've committed and also nag all the time, but within one day or maybe even an hour, he'll give a call asking if I'm alright, do I want to eat anything, what time I'm coming back, all the type of concern he could try his best to offer. No matter how hard times could be, buying things to reward me sometimes for nothing that I've done.

Of course, whenever he nag now and then, I will still get mad at it but still, he's after all my dad, grudge just didn't hold long. Adding on to that, I'm definitely in debt to him for the amount of things he bought for me, the times when I needed money for school, going out, almost everything I have in life that can be bought with money is because of him. I remember secretly wishing him to die whenever he scold me when I was young, I swear it was naive, it was stupid of me wishing it that way and I regretted it so badly, fearing for the loss, I cried myself to sleep almost every night.

Things went on for awhile, he went for several checkups and luckily for him, it was discovered early, he had to cut down on smoking and everything he eat. And being a guy, well, I guess it's nothing unusual for us to be secretly happy about it, we won't go like "YAAAAAAAAAY" or anything but deep inside, I was "Yay-ing" like mad. Maybe it's ever since then, I learnt to love, learnt to learn how to let go of certain things. Learnt to treasure lives, respect and care. Lastly, learnt how to tolerate with any thing a person can come up with. Right now, he's furious because there's a scratch in his rolex, crapppppppppppppppppppppp, going nuts already but oh well, I rather he'd be like this than leaving! :)

Ciao.

If you should ever find someone new, I know he better be good to you.

2011-01-27T19:32:00.001+08:00

The 24.

2011-01-24T04:08:00.002+08:00

It just reached the 6th month, yet everything is just so fragile..... Definitely upsetting now, I don't even have the mood for class for later, pathetic once again. Sometimes, I really don't know what did I even do wrong, or right, maybe you just think too much. How I wish, you won't keep thinking that much to the extend that everything is becoming just so unhealthy with the amount of quarrel over nothing at all. I am happy being with you, most definitely. The endless hours of sharing about things, be it what we did daily, secrets or even habits, telling me about your favorite show to watch when you are young, I enjoyed listening to them.

I don't know what else can I say but hope for things to just get better as time slip by like this in the breaking of dawn. Happy 6th month, we haven't really been celebrating, I guess I should be really sorry about it due to the amount of problems I've been having over the few months.. If things would get better by tomorrow, I want a simple dinner with you. Let's just go out for the day or something, after your class.. Tsk, I don't even know whether or not are you even reading this, I doubt though because you might be asleep, or might not be even here...

Right now, I guess I can only hope. If only..... nevermind (: Happy 6th month, if it mean something, smile.

Ciao.

Bad day!

2011-01-21T12:57:00.002+08:00

An hour of study, an hour of sleep, an hour of journey to school, totally sucked like shit! 30 question MCQ was CHALLENGING instead of easy! I forgot almost everything after an hour of sleep and what's worst is the jam at Jurong MRT Station! Totally pissed me off and make me so mad that I couldn't remember what I read during the break of dawn! Chilled at Tiong Bahru before heading back home and well, I guess it's just home sweetest home.... Taking a break now.... seriously exhausted from the long day although it's only less than 5 or 4 hours.....

Ciao

Happiness is defined by that moment when everything connects perfectly.

2011-01-20T05:12:00.002+08:00

Class at 9am, fuggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

I'll vanish..

2011-01-18T03:55:00.001+08:00

20- late -11

2011-01-17T07:30:00.002+08:00

I've been lazy to really take my time, just sit down and write something about life lately.. Of course, a lot of up and down in my life, perhaps the worst yet best journey in my whole entire life, hopefully the worst one's going away, it's already 2011, time flies.

Credit to babe for updating my blogskin! Yeahhhhhhhh Buzz over clot background, lovin' it like mad! Love you like mad too! School will be starting at 9am, I have 30 minutes to prepare, heating up my double cheese burger for breakfast soon, just in case I get really hungry in the morning later on...

Getting ahead of life, I need something new....... a phone perhaps.. Motorola Backflip was totally awesome and no, I didn't change it yet but Stacey did! Should have gotten it if it wasn't exclusive for singtel :S I'm getting my eyes on BlackBerry Torch maybe? iPhone 4 was opt-ed out and other than Motorola Backflip, I'm not getting my eyes on any phone right now...

Tired like mad, haven't had much sleep, taking my time now to prepare for class, I need to go off already, to prepare and take my time to get to class for another miserable morning, will be updating away soon, hopefully!

Ciao.

Easy come, easy go.

2010-12-04T22:13:00.004+08:00

I lost almost all the people that meant something in my life tonight.

Stressful moments..

2010-12-02T15:52:00.007+08:00

I just need your time.

I just need your patience.

I just need your encouragement.

The reason why I want you to call is because it makes me feel better and relief from stress.

The reason why I want to call you is because I love you and hope you'll feel better as well.

After all, that's the least I could do while you're so faraway..

I just didn't want to waste anymore time before you go over to Perth for your studies. It's true that I'm always confused by your thoughts although it's what that makes me fall for you deeper each time. My heart's always skipping a beat while talking to you, and throbbing even if it's just a phone call. Your mistakes always get my attention and forgiveness as well even if I have to close one eye to everything. The arguments we have while you are around or so faraway, we always give in to each other but yet, misunderstood each other's intention. The times whenever we can choose to walk away but no, we chose to stay and face it together, and cry together but still end up laughing together after everything. Your flaws that is hidden beneath your perfection is always trying to make me hate you, keep me coming back for more of you. These sound crazy but it's true, and perhaps it's just your imperfection that makes every single bit of you perfect in my eyes.

The only way to feel much more relief right now, even if you are busy or don't want to speak to me, is by looking back at all those moments we had spent together. At least, that is the least I could do while you are faraway. I won't mind running over through this rain outside to your place just to see you, that is, if you are around. And looking back at all the moments spent, a quote always hit me so badly :

"Right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection or steal the joy of this perfect moment."

-Audrey Niffenegger

What hit me harder is the time when I didn't appreciate the effort you have tried to make me happy, and that's perhaps what I regret the most now. I love you Charlene. I just hope you would understand how much I feel for you, the amount of effort I'm really trying to not waste anymore time while you are still around here. But at the end of the post, I just want to let you know that it's okay if you don't want to call, I just want you to be happy and want you to know, everything will be fine. I might be stress for now, but it won't be permanent anyway. And above all that, I just want you to enjoy your remaining stay in Brunei, just 7 more days to go, which I'll try and do anything to make time pass faster. It might be stressful whenever I'm studying now but I just hope you would pick up my call when I need to talk to you even if it has to be only less than a minute.

I love you Stacey Charlene Chew,

I just hope you get the message and,

The feelings I feel for you, it's true.

Atheism

2010-11-26T05:28:00.000+08:00

Being an atheist, I don't need to pray for help.

Being an atheist, I don't need to fear of something that doesn't exist.

Being an atheist, I don't need to fear of going to either "heaven" or "hell".

Being an atheist, I don't need to get out of bed every weekends for church.

Being an atheist, I don't need to terrorize others to believe in what I believe.

Being an atheist, I don't need to have faith for "god" to exist without evidence.

Being an atheist, I don't need to fear of doing wrongs and praying for forgiveness.

Being an atheist, I don't need to thank "god" for anything that happened merely coincidentally.

Being an atheist, I am carefree.

I knew it.

2010-10-13T16:26:00.002+08:00

It's always the worst month in my whole entire life.
I hate october,
I hate my birthday,
I hate my life,
I hate getting what I want but end up being unhappy,
I hate trying to be perfect,
I hate myself for everything.

Have I not, contributed enough? I feel disappointed in myself. What must I really do, in order to satisfy everyone's goal in me? What must I do, to achieve just that single bit of awareness of my contribution to everything? I really hate myself for not doing a good job in life, I really don't know what to say other than fuck my life, I really can't take my life anymore. Satan, devil, or whatever fucking hell you are, take my soul away, I give it to you, just stop letting me going through this eternal hell, fuck you if you think it's the karma of not believing in the existence of god, because I fuck god, my life may be fuck up but not as fuck up as how religion is being propaganda-ed on human beings. Thanks for everything good that happened in my life though, I think, that's really enough to keep me going, until the day I should die.

Ciao.

Just one more day..

2010-10-13T02:07:00.001+08:00

Baby I need you, girl you need me too.

2010-08-30T06:36:00.000+08:00

I’m having insomnia, the pill that mom’s taking was a killer, I ate 2 of it and had a straight long 15 hours sleep right away! I need to prepare for school later, it’s economic class and urgh! I haven’t buy books that’s needed for classes this term… Still deciding if I should get them or just sharing it with my classmate hahahaha.

Probably going to meet XY to study after my class at noon, been a long time since I met her and I think the last time was when I accompanied her for her tongue piercing. I have been awake for 12 hours now! I’ll probably catch up with my sleep tonight! :)

I also realized that I lost 4 kilograms over the few days :D I don’t know if it’s good or bad but it seems good! The last time I lost so much weigh was like 2 years ago, so so so long ago! Hahaha. And people, I am doing great as for now, things are getting better :) I hope things change more for the better once again yeah! Okay, gonna go now!

Take care baby, you-know-who.

Tell me.

2010-08-29T20:45:00.000+08:00

You deserve to smile, a lot too. But well tell me, tell me when you’re ready in future. Meanwhile, we shall just smile because it happened :)

I'm not always that strong..

2010-08-29T03:06:00.001+08:00

I feel that tears are free.
I feel that I lost myself.
It's the end.
I should just wait, I need a god to pray to.
But too bad, I don't have one.

Speechless time.

2010-08-29T02:38:00.002+08:00

240810, probably the greatest.

2010-08-28T05:13:00.005+08:00

I feel so happy right now that even the happiest word on earth can't overwhelm my happiness. I'm supereally (super + really) glad that I found you :)

Everything begin so funnily, unexpectedly. The first day was great, staying over your house, looking at how you slept so peacefully smiling on my arm was definitely the greatest thing ever, you're adorable! Did I tell you I love everything you do because it's adorable? I think I did but I want the whole world to know about it definitely :D Spending time with you is definitely great, I totally enjoyed it!

The second day marks our first official date, although we're accompanied by my group of friends, I just want them to know, you're definitely the one for me :) "I'm lovin' it" when we're at Bukit Batok's McDonald just eating our first meal for the day at night, being with you keeps me really full! Perhaps I'm full eating just your love :) and the bus ride to your house was great but I definitely had problems parting when I have to go, I love how we tried dancing sillily, but it's really funny and everything kept playing in my mind like a video recorder. Most definitely, I felt that I'm the most blessed soul on earth that day while and after sending you back home! Oh yeah, thank you for keeping my room neat although it's still pretty messy hahaha I should find time to clean my room up soon! Really soon :)

The third day was a rather peaceful one. I love your family a lot, we spend the whole evening just watching shows, talking to each other and also, we skipped our meals again! How bad could it be but I guess we really didn't feel hungry then hahaha. I also remembered how I said time flies when it's already 5am in the morning after we confide to each other, lying on the bed just singing song to each other, so sweet of you to sing whatever I wanted you to! We slept around 6am, but I woke up 2 hours later, looking at how adorable you was :)

Today or rather, yesterday was also another simple day spent being with you after completely being awake at half-past-noon because Scott woke us up hahahaha! You have a great brother, a funny yet interesting and cute brother like you! Your mom was great too! She cooked our meal (although we didn't eat because we were in a rush) and that's definitely one of the sweetest thing a mom can do :) It was great meeting your dad, a funny person whom I definitely enjoyed meeting, I think we can get along pretty well :P I like his character and attitude, he's just so funny! Sending you off again at your friend's house was unbearable! But you definitely have your own time with your friends yeah baby :)

I love you so much Stacey Charlene Chew, thanks for that ring and your Totto-Chan book hahahaha, I'd definitely find time to read it :) I'm looking forward meeting you later on for steamboat at my sister's place. I love you :)

Ciao.

The prayers to nothing.

2010-08-24T08:35:00.002+08:00

Thing's been going fairly, well I guess. Thanks to someone, at least :)

I've been nocturnal for the past few weeks, even until now and this is killing me, each time gets earlier, then moving later. Before all of these, I slept around 4-7am... Now, I can sleep around 7am to 10am, and I still don't feel tired at all now! A little headache but it doesn't kill. I should try hanging on until the next evening so I won't get any "JETLAG" and catch up with my bed time BUT it seems almost impossible because once I got bored... Geez, I start to lie on my bed and just doze off unexpectedly.

Today was great, totally! I caught Expendable at Iluma with Ter, Boon and Zach! The storyline's a little, straight forward, not much details on the characters but definitely a good show. Had a good time catching up again with Ter and Zach this time round, chill around bugis before heading back to Batok mac to chat before heading off at half past midnight----no, change of plans, they left and I met my cousin for supper at the prata house.

SO we got really bored, chill (AGAIN) at some random bus stops before heading back at 2.30am. Bad night, totally creepy because before meeting my cousin, we were talking about ghost stories/encounters at mac and I totally imagine stuff around the bushes/trees/shadows and I'm not really that superstitious but it sure was hella creepy month because everyone's really staying at home after the latest 10pm but I've been hanging out most of the time after 10pm most recently :S

Got back home, and here I am, doing nothing but just listening to music until now! I need some rest soon, I'm tired just typing this post and geez, I need to sleep by 12am this sunday oh my-jamie-chung-is-hot.

Ciao.

Fuck it, I'm done.

2010-08-21T07:49:00.004+08:00

My life story?

My parents are constantly quarreling daily on the same matter which lead to a divorce.. They're always putting up a sense of strong affection infront of us but I know it isn't going to help at all.

I realise money means nothing to me anymore and fuck money, that shit's for people who need it more than I do, if only I can burn a fortune to get back to how things used to be, I won't mind.

I fail to impress people and I'm always trying, even if it's the person of my interest, or seriously trying to be just friends with her but still, I realise things isn't that simple, it's a simple rule that I understand, "Things won't go the way you plan it to be".

I just gave up on a lot of things in life at this point of time most recently and they're mostly part of life. I also came to realise that I could do drugs easily with all the connection I have but I didn't, now I'm wondering why.. Maybe I haven't give up on life yet, at this point of time.

I need place to rant, I'm ranting in the cyberworld, I'm constantly telling myself everything, EVERYTHING will be fine although it doesn't seem that way but I'm definitely living on till the day I die.

Tomorrow's, gonna be better :)

Can't-sleep-early.

2010-08-19T03:10:00.003+08:00

I'm trying to get back to sleep since 2am, my 2 hour sleep is a bitch, I had really weird dream perhaps after watching 3:10 to Yuma, I dreamt of cowboys lmao. Getting really fuck up in my mind as time pass now, I need sleeeeeep!

If you wonder why I don't talk to you anymore and please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to,
it's just that everything I want to say I can't tell you anymore. But I doubt you wonder.

Ciao.

And all of a sudden...

2010-08-17T23:45:00.003+08:00

I feel tired about life.
I feel tired about things.
But I can't give up, just yet.

Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand.

2010-08-17T07:09:00.002+08:00

Although I kinda pity myself getting caught up in situations like now, I guess it's meant to be this way and hey, it isn't all that bad at all. Life's been, so-so. I just received my schedule for next term classes and they're crap! 9am to 12pm, followed by 2pm to 5pm lesson 2 times a week! That'll be killing me once everything begin.. I have 12 more days before my school officially start, again. I have no idea what I'm going to do in my next upcoming 12 days, I need some motivation to sleep early by this following 10 days so I can wake up early for lesson on the 30th Aug '10.

Holiday's cancelled for me, not much time left for me to go overseas, everything's gonna be in a badass rush if I decide to go oversea this 12 days... Well, enough talk about this 12 days thing, I just got back from Shannon's house at the break of dawn! 1st train was great with not much people, but sucky wait because the train was there for more than 20 minutes before moving off and heading to Jurong East! Gosh, what a terrible idea to rush for the 1st train too hahahha. I had a great night laughing myself off again! Thank god we stopped playing poker before we all run out of breath laughing! Great luck for me though, I almost won the whole hand but totally stopped when we started getting "Drunk-due-to-the-lack-of-sleep".

It's gonna be another long evening to bear with later on, I guess I'll be only getting up at around 2pm to 5pm.. I need some sleep now!

Ciao.

It's been long, alcohol.

2010-08-13T02:07:00.003+08:00

I manage to get people to meetup today despite the plan failure.
I went home and got bored.
I am bored.
I decided to drink.
I took a lot of shots at one go.
I feel good.
I feel sleepy.
I am watching a chinese horror film tomorrow.
I think it's going to suck badly.
I suddenly thought of something.
I feel sad.
I need more sleep.

Ciao.

C'mon c'mon, focus on it.

2010-08-10T22:20:00.002+08:00

I have one more paper for tomorrow, I hope I can reallllly get A for everything on this subject, like seriously! BUT I can't get myself to study, fuck!

In the middle of..

2010-08-09T04:23:00.001+08:00

I've decided to blog because I've been enjoying myself quite a lot lately.. 2 more days until my final paper for QS.. (NOTE FOR SELF : I NEED TO START MUGGING) Can't wait, might be going over to Hong Kong again, or Kuala Lumpur to chillax. BUT yet at the same time, I'm lazy to go overseas hahahahaha. Have been spending a lot lately, I mean ridiculously lot.. Going out too often BUT if I stay at home, I will eventually rot, until I die.. Was planning to go for movie on monday (which is today) until I found out on recent friday that it's National Day... Movie plan was totally ruined!

Anyway, caught Avatar : The Last Airbender yesterday, great CGI effects for a film and PRINCESS YUE IS GORGEOUS! Suck it if you disagree hahahaa but overall, I don't find the cast appealing, maybe a little too weird. A lot of shows I wanna watch... Tekken, Salt, Streetdance, Step Up 3 and Grown up but I don't know if I have time for them, or if others are free to even go watch them with me, damn! Need to organize outing again lol. I am dead bored, at this hour. I am going to sleep now. After typing this 2 paragraph of unrelated-to-anything-people-would-care-about, I am finally tired.

Ciao.

You

2010-08-07T03:13:00.001+08:00

“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.”

“Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.”

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”

“I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I’m going to smile.”

“The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.”

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.”

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.”
-Neil Gaiman

a lot

Numb.

2010-08-07T00:58:00.002+08:00

ENGLISH EXAM SUCKS, I DIDN'T WRITE WELL BUT I THINK I CAN PASS SMOOTHLY.

I NEED TO GET A FOR QUANTITATIVE, I NEED TO MUG (WHICH I WON'T).

THANK YOU HAVE FUN.

Ciao.

Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?

2010-08-06T02:45:00.002+08:00

I'm breaking to bits and pieces mentally at the wrong time of the week because exam is just tomorrow, or rather just later on at 2pm. Therefore, I need to get back up before the break of dawn. Life's been really harsh ever since they got back from HK, I don't even know what to do anymore, and just when you thought you have someone to talk to, everything fucked up. No point acting tough sometimes I guess, humans just break down mentally as and when they like.. But it's not a big deal anyway.. "Pain is a feeling that makes you know you're still alive."

I'm starting to envy people with religion, not like I'm going to be a believer but, it's a fact that religion actually work as a remedy. At least people have things to hold on to, to believe in. And the irony part hits because when shit happens, you pray. At least 'god' is somewhere in them lol. But I still can't get my mind involve into any of them, just not my kind of thing. Thumbs up to people with religion!

I'm writing a load of crap here, I just woke up with a bad headache, AND THIS IS KILLER. Perhaps I can take this post as a practice for my report essay later on, comparing stuff.. Hmmm BUT god damn, once I thought about essay writing, it gives me headache, a really bad one.. It's been a long time since I written anymore essay, or worst, reports. The last time was O's? My right hand feels so tired after just writing 2 paragraph? I doubt I can write well later on hahaha.

Caught Inception most recently, I won't call it the "Best Film ever" BUT it's really a great film that's worth the money, kept people thinking after watching it and definitely a great day to meetup with Aaron, Shaun, Cindy, Maki and Cheehou, great catching up session with them hahaha. Also, metup with secondary school mates the other day, talking and thinking back of the days when we're playing a fool, ending up in wherever we are now hahahaha.

Anyway, things been happening.. But the only question I have to reflect on is on the title of this post.. Will you get back up? Here's my answer, I don't know, but I'm trying to get on track again. Another quote for the night:

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

Works like a charmer eh? Hopefully I can use some quote in the essay later on.. Or better still, the title of the essay better suit all the quotes lol.

After much ranting, rubbish and random "Stories-in-my-life-like-as-if-you-people-cared" into this post, I'm feeling fine! Perhaps it's really time to get back up, no point holding on to the past, at least that's what I'm taught since young.. Really hope at least just one single thing would turn out to be better for me.. At least even for just a minute? Here's another quote for every thing I've just written..

"Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?"
-Audrey Niffenegger (The Time Traveler's Wife)

Ciao.

And nope, I didn't regret afterall.

Problem is...

2010-08-03T04:15:00.006+08:00

If you're reading this, this is what I feel about the entire thing about you.. Only read if you're not lazy okay?

There's no turning back in life but only finding another path out and I've chosen this path having believe that it'll lead me to somewhere I should belong. Maybe this could even lead me to the place where I would settle down eventually? Even if, at the end of the day, it didn't went the way I wish it could be, I won't regret but be strong and carry on moving. Afterall people make mistakes and it'll become a lesson learnt. I've chosen this path, having believe that it won't turn out to be one but saying I won't be disappointed is a true lie if everything fails. But if it should fail, I will, indefinitely, move on and carry on with my life. I like you, I just do and it cannot be explain. But I can't tell you all of these personally either because I've consider about my limits and status. If we should distance and not talk for months, I would be at great loss of words like how I used to be. I'm a sucker at entertaining and comforting, but I really think we should look at how things would move in 2 years time because I am not rushing anything at all. No hope = No disappointment. Easy as it seems but it's really hard to apply this "formula" in my life because it's a feeling I really can't control. If it should fade, it would. That's all I think I'm feeling, although there's still thoughts remain up in my brains, I can't seem to find the right words to form it into one proper sentence..

And once in awhile, I know you'll feel really down or stress and all I could do is just say simple words like "Calm down" or "Bear with it". Here's a quote for you, please, don't be lazy if you're reading this, and no, I'm not implying onto anything but it's really meaningful and you should read it! :)

"Benjamin Button : For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
-- The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

PS: I didn't, and will not reveal who you are to my friends too.

When you dream big...

2010-07-24T00:27:00.004+08:00

It's so hard to accept it when I think about leaving. It's definitely harder when part of me wants to go too. I am having bad headache ever since I got home from Boon's place, had a great time at his place, playing cards and COD:MW2 with Shannon, Boon and Lewis.. Also been a long time since we laugh so badly until our stomachache, couldn't continue the game at all! Hahahaha, great time spent indeed and definitely miss those time we have in class.. Boon asked, "Why didn't we have Secondary 6?!" Hahahaha I bet all of us will be going to school complaining.. "Oh my god la, monday-friday school again, f my life" or any other things we say during our last year of secondary school life..

Great time doesn't last forever, I should treasure every bit of time now. I don't know what's ahead of my own future, I really can't decide myself either because it's suffocating if you want me to do it right away when it's still pretty faraway thing. Hopefully I'm getting a job along with Boon.. Otherwise, I don't know what I should do for the rest of my holidays.. Exam's approaching in almost a week time, hope I'll really put my heart into it unlike secondary years hahahah. I need a break from everything.

Ciao.

Really stand no

chance at all?!
Hahaha

Opportunity.

2010-07-21T21:43:00.002+08:00

What if just one day, you have this opportunity to move out of your country to study somewhere else?

Currently undergoing 1st week of holiday, I'm already about to die. Hopefully I can get a temporary job offer from Boon. Went out to Dhoby with WX, Seb, TT and Thomas the other day, killed time with pool and lans gaming was great, following dinner at P. Singapura, day passed pretty fast! Other than that, I rot at home for like 2 days straight already...

Life's rotten now, heading out again tomorrow, like finally! Another KBOX session at night! At least some activity, better than nothing and maybe going out on friday again! Weekend's free as hell gosh! I need to think of things to do like seriously! I don't mind going out with my parents, can save me a sum of money! Hahahaha.

OH yeah, maybe going ShangHai, China, HK or KL again... BUT I think I'm choosing KL, I wanna go find stuff around KL, no more China or HK because I just came back not long ago from there, don't wanna fear of that place because I went there too long man lol. So KL, maybe next week or after exams! Hopefully I can find any stuff I want there, perhaps a time to chill out too.. Alright, just a quick upload on how I'm doing, and I'm doing pretty good people, have fun.

Ciao.

Remember those days...

2010-07-16T23:26:00.002+08:00

Been gone for quite awhile, days couldn't get better! I'm having another 45-days holiday! But there's exam around the start of August, what a bitch. Caught the movie Predators today, kinda disappointing about the effects but storyline wasn't that bad!

So, why this title? I'm gonna ask myself again someday IF I ever read this post ever again.. A few days back then, I was playing basketball with my schoolmates and it definitely brought my memories back when we're in secondary school, loitering outside school, shooting and playing basketball.. Gosh, I miss those days.. Everything seems so-yesterday if I thought about it.

BUT it's no joke, I've been really inactive for basketball, after that afternoon of playing, my whole body ache like hell! So anyway, continuing from what I've written.. YEAH I miss those times, I think MAYBE I should get my secondary mates to just meetup for basketball session soon LOL. I bet everyone would die after playing it because all of us is already mad rusty..

I'm so damn bored right now.. I should've went down to St. James with the others.. I kinda regret not going because I'm fucken bored right now, like seriously, can't stop complaining.. I'm feeling really mixed up actually.. Argh, forget it. I should get some sleep and I really feel like saying this although it's every tom-dick-harry favorite line, "Fuck my life" but seriously.. Fuck my life.

Ciao.

Abnormal depression.

2010-07-09T01:05:00.001+08:00

I'm suddenly feeling down, a sense of depression sinking in me.
I'm driving myself crazy, and I'm fighting it back now.

Night of PokerLaughter.

2010-07-04T07:06:00.002+08:00

It's been a really long time catching up with the group of schoolmates, had a really great time laughing our time away for staying awake throughout the whole night. Terrible but definitely enjoyable! Poker night was of course, a failure BUT it's a really great night to laugh at every silly joke we crack! Really miss those times back in the old days.. The gathering was rather successful! Except for a few, most of us manage to turn up even for just a few hours hahahah!

Losing in poker first is no joke though, totally had to bored myself with nothing but getting excited for them because they were betting on soccer! First time in my life, I spent 105+ minutes watching the game without lifting my eyes off the screen, updating the score for them hahahaha! Just reach home anyway, tiring night and I'm heading out to meet Lewis for another trip to Queensway mall later on!

Anyway, FG's "farewell" BBQ was a success too! Resulting me to skip my Quantitative skill lesson on friday. Skipping class became a rather regular routine on friday for me, a bad habit that I have to kick away, argh, no joke! I need to really start studying, my grades will really drop at this rate. English class, whoa, don't even get me started! Facebook and the playing of Dota/Warcraft3/Counter-Strike totally overwhelm the lesson. It kills time anyway..

Great, I'm jumping on topic again! Hahahaha I'm starting to miss Hong Kong though! OR even the cheap food in ShenZhen! Despite their proxy blocking facebook, blogger, twitter and even youtube, nothing else sucks (OR maybe the people there, some of them maybe.) and Hong Kong, I'd definitely miss shopping there! The Toy Story 3 show house! AND of course, Juice because they have new stuff after I left! How pathetic! I'm taking online-ordering into much consideration! The parka is really nice! I really like it a lot BUT it cost over 200, tempting!

Okay anyway, I really need to grab some rest, a long post after a long time, take care people!

Ciao.

A long break later......

2010-06-28T23:13:00.003+08:00

Yes, I am back! A worthwhile trip, ShenZhen hotel kinda rule with the internet but ruined with the facebook and twitter proxy blocking. Pretty sucky thing to struggle with when you have internet and nothing else to do. Hong Kong trip was pretty bad though, hotel's costy, food's definitely good though but not to forget making trips to CLOT.

No people, no gifts this time, low on cash after several days of struggling with that little money, leeched on dad's to get some stuff and of course, got a new wallet after quite awhile. No, not throwing away the old one, there's alot of history back in the old one, could be using them again if I'm making trip to some other countries.

No pictures too, sucky thing to begin the holiday with, my camera broke on the flight towards HK, had to struggle with my phone's camera but it's all cool. Manage to catch a nice glimpse of the clouds and even a rainbow near the plane, and yes window seat totally rule that day, no regrets at all!

2 days in Shen Zhen was like hell for me actually, apart from the food which was really cheap, other thing seems so not-worth-it, to me at least. I wish I could just stay indoor throughout the whole Shen Zhen trip! The food there make me sick with cough, they're all BBQ, fried and toasted but damn, they tasted pretty damn good!

HK sucked because I don't have any network at all! BUT traveling around Causeway Bay wasn't boring at all, Toy Story 3 Showhouse was interesting, definitely a place for TS fans! One thing bad about the trip sucked which is the flight. Our flight was delayed for 6 hours, until 8pm and we're finally off to Singapore! Back at SG on 12am was a bitch, totally die for sleep when I reach home.

Test today was easy! Thought I was gonna go through hell and I'm wrong bout it. Glad I manage to do pretty well for it.. English Class again tomorrow, gonna bring my laptop for online definitely tomorrow! Alright, it's time to study hard again this term!

Ciao.

Hello new friend.

2010-06-27T23:39:00.004+08:00

Back to post soon.

Plenty of thoughts.

2010-06-19T01:01:00.003+08:00

I skipped class for the third time this term, but it's always english class that I skipped. Quantitative Skill class was ruined the previous time I went, totally didn't listen to anything at all because my laptop was my main distraction and it seriously sucked pretty badly. Caught a few movies since the last post, "Karate Kid", "A-Team" and also "Toy story 3"! And of course, they're really great film, especially "Karate Kid".

Life's pretty good, rushing project, going to classes, heading out to meet up with people, especially those whom I almost lost contact with! Met up with Boon a few days ago, not to forget Daryl at Jurong East. Been a really long time since I met them and it's great catching up. Yee's BBQ was pretty much ruined, people were held back for work, resulting lots not turning up and Daniel's Birthday, well I would say it's a success! A simple celebration at Seoul of Marina.

I'm getting drained out by studies soon, especially English Skills.. It's getting boring but.. it's my break for this week and in a couple of hours more....

HONGKONG

Ciao.

Thrill with just thoughts.

2010-06-06T07:59:00.002+08:00

There'll be a week of study break from the 19th June '10 to 27th June '10 and the thought of it thrills me because I'm making plans of going overseas, maybe Hong Kong or somewhere else? Really really want to go NYC BUT the "Holiday" is too short, wasted if I were to go somewhere else, having to return from that place so soon totally sucks, so perhaps Hong Kong's the best choice for now? OR maybe I should suggest Thailand or something?

Hahahah, WELL, it's just for now, I'm not sure what's going to happen in the next few weeks so, I'll just hope everything goes the way I would plan if I were to plan something yeah. I haven't sleep for more-than-a-day, I suppose I'm going to sleep soon? Might be staying up all night today later on, I'm not really sure yet because there's a Quiz for english tomorrow. Oh man, I dread english exams/test.. I can speak really well (I'm not boasting) but I can't really write pretty well, such a headache! And what's worst, 30% of my whole module will rely on quiz (There's three) and this is the first one of the whole module and it's just so soon LOL.

I'm thinking about doing some practice for english because I haven't done that for like donkey years and after learning to speak well, you just basically forget about the basics (WELL, the ability to speak is like Advance level to me at least). I wanted to get my hands on my quantitative work (which is like maths in another form of making it sound more professional) but I'm totally not used to it because I don't do that last time and I totally spent my Satuday watching "Romance of the Three Kingdom"? I totally love history, no doubt! Hahahah!

Okay, I guess I should head on to bed, I'm really glad that things are turning out pretty good (FOR NOW) and it would be perfect if it gets better and better :)

Ciao.

Dog bite Dog.

2010-06-05T02:07:00.003+08:00

You know how fucked up it is, when you think that everything settled down when no, it hasn't?

You know how fucked up it is, when you are so stucked in a situation whereby you can find no one to confide in anymore?

You know how fucked up it is, when you are watching helplessly when someone tells you something yet you can't do anything about it?

You know how fucked up it is, when you are beginning to find it hard to trust anyone but yourself?

You know how fucked up it is, when you are always trying to not-to-be half a cup empty rather than half a cup full?

You know how fucked up it is, when you have family problems all of a fucking sudden but you can't tell anyone?

You know how fucked up it is, when you have a life like that, but no one there to support you?

Put yourself in my shoes, maybe you'll understand.

On the verge of giving up, but not yet.
People want me dead,

but not so easy.

Just, not yet.

A better day.

2010-06-02T18:53:00.002+08:00

Thing's been going better lately, a good thing to begin another new month with indeed. School just started, first class suppose to be boring, right? Oh man, english lesson is boring me to the core but I guess I'll try and listen this time round despite the trying over the years in secondary school.. I was late on the 2nd day of school, train was pack like mad. It's hard not-to-believe that people can be so 'kiasu' to just rush into the queue while waiting for the train, even snatching with the handicaps, which is really very disappointing, way-to-go-singaporeans (Make me the exceptional one in the list).

Anyway, today's class postpone until next thursday.. Thought I don't have to rush for pack train but now, I have to, again, what a pathetic fuckin decision by the school! Class suppose to start at 2-5 on monday and it switched to 9-12 again! What a turn-off. I need to get off earlier, if not I'm cabbing to school already, sweet lord. Totally wasted my day away today, doing nothing at all, awesome! I'm going to get my hands on the ps3, food, sleep. Class at 2-5 tomorrow! I'm wondering what time should I leave house now.. hmmm..

Ciao.

Bad timing.

2010-05-29T10:45:00.002+08:00

It's a bad timing to fall sick, school in 2 more days and I haven't got my text ready. I am getting a bad headache every few minutes, it's really annoying that I have to hold my head to prevent the aching, at least it work a little and kills the pain somehow or rather. I had panadol but it's not working somehow or rather, this is bad and I've got work in a couple of hours more! Initial plan was going to popular to find my school's books, but I don't know if I should stick to this plan with the pain going on, gosh. Can't help but complain over and over again! This is killer, I'd rather it take my life away.

Ciao.

I'm sorry.

2010-05-27T03:20:00.003+08:00

I remember how happy we were when we first moved into our 1st new apartment when I was 5. All the cleaning up, and helping out in painting the wall, life seems so much easier and fun. Mom doing the dishes, dad going out for work, sis and bro going for class. I remember falling asleep in the living room at 6pm and even dreamt about dad not coming back, I cried so badly that I asked mom "is he coming back?" while she's doing the dishes..

Years went by, I grew up and started going to school with dad fetching me to classes everyday, mom waking me up everyday before going out for work. Sometimes, I would even "accidentally" kicked her leg which cause her to wake up earlier than she's suppose to(FYI : I slept in the same room with my mom and dad at that age).

I remember faking a fever just to skip school but always end up going at the end of the whole morning. I remember sneaking up early for television every saturday morning and even kicked my mom face once by accident that she woke up and just when I thought I was going to get a big scolding, I didn't, she was laughing about it and following by dad laughing so loudly that everyone got up and went for breakfast. Life was so much easier back then, we had nothing much to worry about.

Moving to another new apartment in the year of around 2005 was perhaps the most rebellious time I could've been in the family. Trying to skip classes in secondary school, disobeying my dad, running away from home but end up "surrendering" myself back, it was nothing but a silly mistake but a funny one when I look back at it now. I remember mom and dad talking about me having my own room totally kept me awake for that whole night, even when I just moved there, I couldn't sleep when school is just a few hours away! I remember having Miki around, trying to ask her to find me but she always goes to mom! How unfair which I would always complain hahaha and this goes on for years until we finally had to stop all these.. We moved here, this apartment..

I had to move last year, my O level period. I had to bear with the pain alone of losing my dog, my pal, my bestfriend. I couldn't tell anyone and even blame mom and dad for it. But, a family is afterall a family, the hatred of course, didn't last long. Then I started going out frequently which worries mom and dad a lot which would even cause them to quarrel yet I don't feel bad about it, I guess I was still rebellious and naive last time? But things definitely changed a lot ever since 12 october, just 2 days away from my birthday last year..

Sis decided to several ties with dad, which caused mom to cry so badly that I cried too, that night. It was all money's fault. Mom struggled through and we thought she was coping well and didn't cared much because she was really fine.. Her birthday was the following month after mine, november.. We went to Genting, Mom, my friends and me, we went there to surprise her with a birthday surprise and I remember making her cry so badly for the first time, it was tears of joy! I was happy, I told her I love her and she couldn't hold back her tears anymore and say I'm the one who understands her pretty well and that moment, was perhaps the greatest moment I last spent with mom..

This happy moment didn't last long.. A thing that's not settled will always remain unsettled and definitely, things gotten worst between sis and dad.. Mom, being the middle person struggled with this several ties thing and she couldn't take the pressure anymore and got herself into depression but no one knows other than me.. but I couldn't do much at all... I feel so useless at times that I feel so depress but I couldn't confide in anyone and now, things really gotten out of hands... I really don't know what to do anymore..

I know it's silly writing here, no one's reading, no one's gonna give a shit but I'm crying here trying to feel better but fuck that, my life is screwed now. I just hope I'll die than living now. Ever since I'm back at 2.30am, I've been sobbing like a coward just looking at how tired out mom is when she's fast asleep now.. Thing's changed... I can't believe what we did but it's really for her own good.. I don't dare to imagine what will happen when she's arrested because when I do, I would weep so silently that no one hears.. I just wish I could let anyone kill me when she's arrested.. I love you mom but we had to do it.. I'm really sorry, mom.

Recalling every good memories of the past, seems so Yesterday when bad things are about to collide together.

Everything needs a backup plan.

2010-05-21T00:09:00.002+08:00

Organizing a BBQ is no joke when everyone is working at the same place. It's like the bosses/people are after your ass IF anyone didn't show up to work but jesus, I'm really sick of it so, I guess I should just heck it! The BBQ plan will still resume no matter what. I'm trying to make myself think as much as I can, not in a negative way but mindmap what to buy, what to get, where to get them and everything and this is no joke because it's really last minute at the same time LOL!

Oh, right before all these started, I asked my bro to watch "Once a gangster" with me at Westmall's cinema (Eng wah) and it's definitely back straining with the seats they provide :S But the show was really funny, totally had a great laugh about it and couldn't forget how funny each scene could be and it's pretty meaningful too! And before I forgot this random thing that just came upon my mind, I was late for work today and it was really weird, someone switched my alarm clock off! Luckily I was only late for 30 minutes, if not I'll be like doomed in the crowd of pathetic pea brains passengers who doesn't move in the middle of the cabin WHEN they're not alighting in the next future few stops!

Okay, I should actually continue the list of things to buy and actually print it out LOL because I'm really careless, I should really do it... Hmmmm okay shall just end like this!

Ciao.

It's really suffocating, you know?

2010-05-20T05:16:00.002+08:00

Life's been good, bla bla bla. I was just kidding, things wasn't as good as I expected. I've been getting tired out easily, I could say I give in to hopes. Especially family, it's such a sensitive issue that I wanna share but I can't seems to share it with anyone but only to tell myself "it's alright" but you know it isn't. Life couldn't get any worse now, at least. Hitting rock bottom wasn't one of the things I've expected until recently, something wake me up to senses, somehow or rather? I'm alone.

Work's been killing my time lately, bored like usual. But I know if I were to stay at home.... I won't want to think about it, and even with just 2 hours of sleep, I would just go to work without any second thoughts. There's a BBQ on friday, I don't even know if I'm in the mood for a BBQ anymore, a lot of things has been on my mind for quite awhile, dreading to get them off isn't going to help unless I really face them myself but at least I manage to finish a book I got for myself but I have another one more title to read, just that I haven't really started on it.

It's 5am in the morning and I'm having work at 10am like the usual, I'm wondering if I should just catch 2 hours of bedtime before heading to work or should I just stay idle until the break of dawn and most probably going to work without sleeping at all but it seems to me that it's impossible because I'm yawning every now and then. At least I fell asleep for quite awhile between midnights and it was somewhat great until I had to go all the way down to the first level to heat up dad's bike.

Oh, talking about dad.. I could only feel nothing but guilt on his birthday I guess? He wasn't home the whole day and every year, I remembered.. Whenever it's his birthday, we would go out and celebrate, as a family.. But, I guess it has faded and things isn't going to get back like it used to? But well, the least I could do or should do is only to accompany him to the airport to send him off for his flight to Macau. It's funny how he used to hate flights but now, I guess it's a form of way to escape from things for him, or maybe it isn't.. But if he's having things his way and he's feeling alright.. I guess it's okay? I don't blame him anyway..

My class is starting, I haven't got time to set an appointment date for the so called "Letter of Acceptance" thing of my private diploma, or perhaps I'm too lazy to because mom is always caught up with something and I feel so bad asking her to go all the way down to Tiong Bahru. That's how it is for me now, life, I'm so dreading for something to happen, perhaps just a single miracle or anything just to brighten up my day but it really seems impossible on the situation I am in. This is just getting utterly random, I'm jumping topics in every paragraph, hahaha alright, I should end this post just like this..

Ciao.

Death's gonna be easy cause life's hard, it'll leave you physically, emotionally and mentally scarred.

2010-05-15T01:12:00.004+08:00

I really don't get it.
I seriously don't.
I rather not too.
I feel like escaping.
Life's sucking.
Life's draining.
My soul's reaped off pieces by pieces.
Emotional is just what I feel now.
But I still believe, in a cure.
Maybe.. just because I'm still alive..

Die hard; Died heart.

2010-05-14T05:09:00.003+08:00

Had lunch at Kuishinbo of Jurong Point with Xinyan after such a long time! Follow up by "The losers" movie, and it was definitely an awesome film! Had a great afternoon too! Took my "Passport" photos for school already! Was suppose to go down tomorrow but Wayne from the academy asked if the schedule can be changed, agreed and maybe next tuesday? A pretty good evening though! I bought a "Pencil Case" for school, pens and even books to read if I'm bored! And now, I'm quite occupied by 2 books already LOL!

I'm spending a lot! I need to pay school fees + top up ez-link + phone bill.. It's kinda strangling me to just survive with 500 plus a month (IF I work) and this month, I have a bad feeling bout my pay! It might just fall below, 400? Or maybe even 300! I really need to stop spending those spare cash! Because it's really suppose to be spare savings for just-in-case stuff but I'm just spending them away like freeflow! I even exceeded the amount, spend more than what I earned!

I'm losing sleep, okay not really.. Just feeling a little down but thanks to Stacey! I'm feeling much better! I feel so lost suddenly, after reading the new book, there's a part about "different" and stuff, it's just so true.. Can't help but get my brain cells cracking and thinking :S I guess sometimes, I think a little bit too much, perhaps exceeded more than what my brain can support and it definitely kills my brain a little. I feel so lifeless earlier, I totally fall into the "hands" of despair, can't help but drop down and hit rock bottom, what's wrong with me although I'm trying to get up now, gosh. Oh well, I don't know what to do, I should get a 3 hour sleep before going to work I guess! Hahaha, enough of this crap!

Ciao.

Oh no..

2010-05-12T05:47:00.003+08:00

Supposingly.. Your orientation of your new school is starting at 9am, you have to wake up by 7.30am but your still lying here updating your blog at 5.45am because you cannot sleep as you slept for straight 6 hours during the afternoon... What would you do? WELL I'm definitely not up to anything because I really can't sleep at this hour and it's just pure annoying to just lay here feeling sleepy! I know I'm gonna get really drain later on but I still can't get to sleep no matter what and I can only say to myself "Dude, this sucks more than anyone who suck balls you know that?".

I was suppose to fall asleep by 2am but I failed to, thus I tried coming online to listen to some lullaby (which usually works) and yeah, I almost fell asleep until I started chatting with friends again and, there goes the plan! I most certainly feel awake as ever :S Argh, I guess I'm just gonna lay here until 7.30am with bad eye bags for new orientation :( Sucks but I can do nothing else! I guess I shall try and sleep early after today. Or rather, I must! Well, I hope school's gonna be awesome..

Ciao.

A million sigh won't help.

2010-05-10T00:12:00.001+08:00

I'm just so fucking depressed,

I just can't seem to get out this slump,

If I could just get over this hump

But I need something to pull me out this dump.

I took my bruises took my lumps,

Fell down and I got right back up

But I need that spark to get psyched back up.

Singrish good, english better.

2010-05-09T07:06:00.002+08:00

I'm apparently "out-of-sleep" and adding on to that, I am working at 10am, after much consideration.... I've decided not to turn up for work! It's been so long since I've skipped anything so irresponsibly. BUT on a side note, skipping anything could only mean work now as there's no more classes for me, yet. I've alot of things undone for my upcoming school preparation! I need 2 passport sized-photo, a few grand to pay before the school term really officially begin! Orientation is coming up! On the 12th! I'm semi-looking forward to it because I'm really stuck here waaaaaaaaaaay too long that I'm constantly forgetting my days!

I, need, to, enjoy, as, much, as, I, can, before, 31st May! I was looking through the calender and can't help but tell myself "Dude, you just wasted 5 f-ing months away. That's so Game-d!" WELL maybe not full 5 months but oh man! Time flies, everything happened so-yesterday-ed. Excuse me for creating nonsensical words because that's what a person do after more than half a year of not studying anything at all! Sheesh, I really need to get my hands on, Business Administration stuff, that's what my course bout!

Right, apart from school, the fee's one thing to suck up on.. I have quite a while to load up cash and I'm considerating taking another job hearing from Cindy! Well, it's pretty well paid at $7/hour. What's more! It's a deal at EPICentre! They only need people during the weekends though and I'm not really certain about it yet because I must see IF I can catch up with studies first :S Hearing from friends that I definitely need more time to study, I'm beginning to worry about things! BUT it's not keeping me away from my goal, or at least try-goal.. I mean, I'm definitely giving my best shot because I can't afford to lose this opportunity (right?) although it's true that opportunities are often created by ourselves but erm... I guess I've created myself one right now :o

PUTTING ALL THESE ASIDE! Alright, I'm gaining too much freedom that I'm quite sick of going out, thus staying at home to feed on home cook meals. Hellllll yeah people, cooking meals myself is Awesome TTFC (Something I came up with myself after TTM, which stands for To The F-ing Core)! I spent another $50 stocking up everything at home, food, more food, and more more food to keep myself fat and fit (Doesn't really match but who cares!). Not to forget, my Colgate toothpaste ran out for like 3 days and I had to bear with Darlie toothpaste and I totally can't stand it anymore (This are really some of the most random shit which I shouldn't actually add in) which thus explains the need of stocking-up/grocery shopping yester-night.

Don't read these because it's totally not related to my life at all!

Just what films that I've caught lately!

PUTTING ALL THESE + ALL THOSE ASIDE which will also be the last thing to talk about! I found a bag I totally like after the Reebok one (not totally, but it's close to what I really like, tsk!) and it's Nike's! I'm still looking for bums! Couldn't find bums I like :( School school school, annoying much isn't it! To think about stuff to wear, I think I should go plain because choosing things to wear is pretty annoying! (I'M JUST CRAPPING, I DON'T REALLY DRESS UP LOL) Okay, random stuff up ahead! I've watched IP Man 2 + Iron Man 2 and ALTHOUGH they're really a blast at work, they're really films that deserves good thumbs up for the CGI (Iron Man 2) and Action scenes (Both films)! I also watched "Before I self destruct" by 50 Cent! It's not really famous but it's about how Clarence (50 Cent) became a "Hitman" because he needed money to support his brother for school after his mom is shot in a middle of turf war. Okay, that's enough of random shit for the days/weeks or even months! I should get some sleep, finally feeling a little tired!

Ciao.

希望

2010-05-09T03:14:00.003+08:00

我希望什么事情都能好好的谈一谈。
就像以前一样，大事化小，小事化无。
可是。。不管发生任何事情都好呢。。
妈妈，我爱你和母亲节快乐。
爸爸，永远还是那个爸爸我也还爱你。
我希望明天是个更好的一天。
哈！还真肉麻，不管了！想说的，都说了！
谢谢他们一直以来的教养。:)

"Eminem - Beautiful"

2010-05-08T15:56:00.002+08:00

In my shoes, just to see

What it's like, to be me

I'll be you, let's trade shoes

Just to see what it'd be like

To feel your pain, you feel mine

Go inside each others' minds

Just to see what we'd find

Look at shit through each others' eyes

COCKROACHES

2010-05-07T06:04:00.001+08:00

DO YOU KNOW THAT I HATE THEM SO MUCH THAT I WISH THEY BURN IN HELL BECAUSE APPARENTLY NOW, I'M SUPER MAD AT IT BECAUSE IT WENT IN MY BAG AND DOESN'T WANNA COME OUT. I THINK IT'S PLANTING A FREAKING ROACH-BOMB IN THERE NOW AND I'M ALMOST GOING TO THROW MY BAG AWAY BUT THERE'S MY HOODIE INSIDE IT. OH MY, THIS IS SO SCREWED.

At the end of everything?

2010-05-05T23:42:00.005+08:00

Life's been a bitch lately, ahhhhhhh but I'm still hanging on to it. Iron man 2 + IP man 2 = A total blast, totally hate those 2 films because it's full to the extend that patrons throw their attitude at us for the tickets being sold out and what's worst, telling us that they doesn't want the ticket anymore because it's the front rows (How unreasonable are these people man!). I hope people are considerate, especially those arrogant chinese who thinks that money's everything that matters, that's just BULLSHIT. It's sometimes really not about the money, it's totally about personality and attitude. Theirs sucks, totally.

I'm strucked, by a lot of things that I found out the other night. Forget about it, it's over I suppose. I can only hope for the better now, at least. Work's been bad today, totally tired out after everything, was intending to finish work at 10pm but I was really famish and had to stop at 9pm instead and without much delay, I left the building within 10 minutes for food after I clocked out lol. I'm working at 4pm again tomorrow, I need to sleep early because I didn't yesterday, not until 6 in the morning. I'm tired now, shall take a break as for now people.

Ciao.

The Quarter Pounder... and life!

2010-04-30T01:35:00.003+08:00

After so long, Singapore's finally bringing in Quarter Pounder (First introduced in California's Fremont Mcdonalds). Definitely worthwhile if you're a beef-lover! (Despite it being too overly-priced!) Oh, and I noticed that I totally abandon this space for a very long time ago but there's reasons behind everything (well, there should be..) and I've totally great explanations behind every of it.

Firstly, it's all about working! I have been working on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday (or sometimes Friday or Saturday too). I realised that I have got not enough time to even write about anything because work's basically too boring! Used to find it so interesting because it's to kill away all of my free time and now, I'm like dreading for more free time, to at least catch my breath.

Secondly, it's all about sleep! I have been (trying to) sleep early lately and now, even without sleeping early, I can totally wake up at 9am or 10am without fail! Unless I continue to fall back into my bed, that's totally a different case from what I'm saying hahahah! AND even after I woke up, I totally can't think of anything to blog about because there's really nothing to talk about if there's nothing going on, isn't it? AND without realising it, it'll soon be evening, the next moment you know it's bed time which will lead to sleep and eventually you will end up with waking-up-for-work at the very next moment. Thus, sleep has became part of the things that stopped me from blogging.

Thirdly, life's good! Well, at least lately, I haven't been troubled over much, except family problems but they're gone for good now! I've been living on healthy diet except today with the Chicken Rice + Quarter Pounder + Fries + Fried Rice. Sinful but since it's a once-in-awhile thing, so why not? I wanted to get a 2nd job because this one's getting less challenging and yet, at the same time I feel so lazy to find something challenging for me to stress about because school's starting next month and I don't wanna have stress piling up because I can't explode yet, gosh, not yet!

Lastly, I've been really good, like seriously! I don't know why, but I'm feeling good :) At least lately, that's what keeps me going and motivated. I hope everyday's gonna be like this and wait, I think this shouldn't be included in "Why I haven't been blogging" reasons but, who cares, I'm just gonna say this because I've been really good lately! Cheers people, hopefully I'll remain this way now (months later, I hope I don't look at this post and go like.. "Man... F* this shit... hahahahah).

Ciao.

Have you wonder..?

2010-04-22T08:47:00.003+08:00

Why it hurt so much?

Perhaps the sole reason why it hurts so much is because of the good times spent together..

One of those Bon Jovi days..

2010-04-18T05:50:00.003+08:00

Not that I don't want to post BUT whenever I thought of something like "Hey, how about posting this today!" and the next minute I got home, I totally failed at recalling what I wanted to post earlier on. BUT today's different! I manage to recall just one thing, a song. People remember Bon Jovi for his music, likewise too for me but it's definitely a funny one for me.

I still remember the days hanging out with Boonyao, Zachary and others after exams, perhaps I find this memorable because
1) This incident happens at Iluma.
2) I'm still working my ass off at Iluma.
3) I was listening to that song earlier on.
I still remember it was just after our mid-year school examinations when we went for some lansgaming at Iluma's Colosseum where they have this XBOX360 Guitar Hero exclusively for members only and they also have this new built-in with the microphone where the system can detect your pitch to match the keys. SO, apparently there's this song by Bon Jovi called "Livin' on a prayer" going on with Zach as the vocal..

I gotta say, he sucks at singing it but going at all mono-tone, he rocked the song somehow or rather because another reason is that the built-in microphone simply sucks hahahaha. AND not only that, while he was singing, somehow or rather, 4 of us join him in singing the chorus and we got it pretty catchy that the song got into our brains since then and we started singing in class, annoying almost every teacher with the chorus just by dragging "Oh". I also still remember we influence almost the whole class with it and everyone started singing it along hahaha, memories, how hilarious it was back then!

Time definitely flies! Everyone's going to their new life already and I met up with the guys the other day, it was great although a short day spent hahaha! Oh well, thing's neat for now, hopefully it'll turn out better. One of those Bon Jovi days that I'd definitely wanna remember :)

Ciao.

East Coast Park/Yishun/Dragon Age: Origin.

2010-04-11T01:02:00.003+08:00

Blogger's been abandoning me, from my mind at least!

So what's up lately, people asked. I'm doing pretty good and still rockin' with sneakers! Bought a pair of Puma Ltd Edition recently, sweeeet pair by Mihara Yasuhiro. Adidas's carrying a lot of new stocks for Starwars edition, superstar kicks just came in but it's costy, never been a big fan of adidas but it's definitely catching my attention lately.

East coast park on thursday. Phototaking, seabreeze, sunlight, volleyball and lastly, met some tourist from India, played some volleyball with them and I gonna say, they're quite good at it hahah! It's been a long time since I had sunburn or touch volleyball, really tiring after quite awhile hahaha but it's still a fun game! Well, if you know how to play hahaha, still remember how noob I was at it when I was around the primary-days. Took a cab back to Boon lay to change up and rest before heading to JP for Kushin-bo's buffet, 2 hours there was worth it, totally enjoyed the food!

Stephanie's bday today, met up with the others at 5pm, quite a day back there, kill time talking load of crap piling up another load and it was a great day catching up! Left around 10pm after everything's done, eating and chilling. Great laugh at train, thanks to the usual clown (you-know-who, Jerrold). I'm having a really nerdy haircut now, don't ask why because the hairdresser's too good and I'm rocking it like school days.

Been on my PS3 lately, playing a new (not for you but for me) game called Dragon Age, rockinnnnnng it like usual, but gets kinda grumpy with the glitch in it but the storyline pwns most definitely. Coming up ahead of a new day tomorrow, working at 2 in the noon, dad's oversea, I'm free for a month, lika free pass to anywhere, need to find somewhere sometime somehow to get some fresh air soon. Aight people, that's that now, peace.

Ciao.

Bad, really bad..

2010-04-03T00:35:00.003+08:00

Things is getting ahead, I'm seriously stuck.

Life's sucking lately, I don't know why. Never really work my life away recently but I've been trying to get ahead of myself, trying to make myself as busy as possible-with sleep perhaps. Clash of the titans, hatin' it now because it's the reason why there's serious crowd going on in cinemas and it's what keeps the crowd coming, urgh, gonna be really tired out tomorrow for sure. Damn Titans, Zeus, Son-of-God or whatever they are, I hate them, now.

Spending load and load of cash, on-seriously, I have no idea, because it's been flowing out of my pockets for like nothing, maybe fares or stuff ahh crap. Just forget it already. Dad's going over to macau/taiwan again next coming friday, freedom again, but I kinda hate it because having or not having it is just the same. Anyway, work's good lately, gonna try and keep up with it I guess. Shall end now, gonna work at 1pm later on, peace.

Ciao.

Ifeelterrbleaboutthis.
Ireallyshouldnotbutyourverynice.
Ireallythinkthatyourseriouslymorethanenoughforanyguycouldaskfor.
Ireallythinkthatheistoomuch.
ButIreallycannotdoorsayshitaboutitatall.
BecauseIamjustanormalfriend.
Iamsad.
Ireallyam.
AllIcandoisfeelmiserableforyouanddonothing.
ThatishowpatheticIamnow.

It's days like this...

2010-03-25T02:28:00.002+08:00

Life's been good lately.. at least for now! Haven't really been expecting much out of it also! Met Shaun, Aaron, Cindy, Kingsly, Ivan and his girlfriend at Jurong point last saturday. It was quite a blast! Newyork Newyork for dinner and chilling out at Bakerzin after Shaun and Aaron left because they had something on. It's been months since we all meetup for dinner to catch up with each other and hell yeah, everyone's still kicking and living after so long hahahha! Sunday was filled with work, was extremely tired that day but still, manage to pull it through!

Movie-d on monday! "GREEN ZONE WAS THE BOMB"! Thumbs up for Matt in the movie definitely! It was great, realistic and also, the storyline was least expecting! Anyway, "How to train your dragon" was also great! I didn't want to watch it at first until the other day, saw the film for about 30 minutes and it hook-ed me onto watching it more! Thus, I've decided to watch it after watching Green Zone that day! I still have one more show in my mind, which is quite awhile already, Alice In Wonderland! Haven't watch that yet, at least not now, might be catching the 3D one this sunday!

Work's been a snitch & b**ch. People isn't as pleasant as they seems, I almost got so tired that the word "Resignation" came about in my mind afew days earlier ago but apparently, I had to stop myself after seeing the over-charged phone bill yesterday, totally ridiculous lol. BUT despite the fact that I'm sick and tired sometimes, it still brings me joy and laughter because I still have awesome workmates at work! Non-stop entertainment indeed! I need to arrange alot of schedule for meetup (maybe) perhaps next week? Hopefully everyone would be free again...

Another off day tomorrow! I'm taking a break now! From here at least!

Ciao.

That makes me think alot..

"Cherry Red Ferrari"

2010-03-17T17:44:00.003+08:00

It was just another normal train ride to work when I came upon this family of three, sitting down on the seats in one of the cabin. The boy is around the age of 7, with a lot of curiosity about a lot of things and and being a regular young child, he started bombarding his father with a lot of questions.

Not long after, the train started to pass by a few car manufacturer company and his father started talking to him about cars and the question pop from his father's mouth, asking him what type of car he likes and he said "I like Ferrari. Especially those Cherry Red Ferrari.".

It struck to me that, being a child last time, I like Ferrari(s) too, the same exact Cherry Red Ferrari said by the young boy. I remember how I would tell my family how much I like them and why I like them so much. Each time they're on TV (Be it a TV show or some channel featuring cars), mom or dad or anyone in the family would just shoutout to my name, telling me "There's a Ferrari in TV" or something that sort.

I remember how they would ask me if I want a Ferrari toy car when I'm young and I got them as well but it's always never enough, getting more and more of them to just collect dust in my toy box. Not long after, things started to change. Both mom and dad have their busy life to lead as I grow up, sister and brother too, started working. And as for me, time were spent on school, computer or even cycling/basketball but ever since then, "Cherry Red Ferrari" seems to be the most foreign word for us.

As I recall slowly, I realise that the gap between our family fall apart, only to realise that the next thing I could remember of is nothing but quarrel, and more quarrel. I remember how I would follow mom to aunt's house for her regular weekends mahjong session until late at night about 2am or 3am. Sometimes, I would even call my dad to fetch me and he, doesn't reject me because I'm his son.

I also remember how he would nag about mom going out for mahjong session so regularly that she forget that I'm with her but I would always help her and he would still nag about it until she gets home. The most lovely part of all these is, no matter how he would nag about it, he'll still fetch mom from aunt's house without rejection.

Only until yesterday did I realise that all love have lost. It seems that our family fell apart like how war would usually ends with the people dealing with great grief when one's love is lost, how flower will not do without water or sun, or even how one's heart break from rejection. Ever since the quarrel and cold war between sis and dad, everything has changed. Chinese New Year doesn't seems like Chinese New Year, no visiting to dad's relative were made, no visiting from anyone to our house.

I used to understand how warm and loving a family can be. But now, everyone seems so foreign to each other. Now, it's so hard to understand what's a family warmness, or love in one's family, my own family. I only understand how mom still try to support either side, but yet they don't see it. It's so suffocating for her and yet she does it, all because of love for us, the family and everything she has created for us. Family, it's easy to maintain but it's also easy to be destroyed if any wrong move is taken. I hope, everything goes back to normal despite it seems "Normal" on this basis when everyone's just doing a surface job in this family.

Where's the love of the family?
Where's the warmness I used to have?
Where's the kinship I used to rely on?
Where's this going?

Blue Monday.

2010-03-16T02:02:00.003+08:00

I haven't really been contributing much time to work except today. Yesterday (Note, it's Sunday) was high as fly, don't have any idea why but it was a great day! Knock off at 8pm, had dinner with Peng, William and Jacob just nearby. Short pool session with jacob before taking the train back home and it was a terrible ride with high pitch-ed baby cry before I can finally reach Bukit Batok. IT fair definitely sucks big time for me! Nothing really appealing there and prices is also not much different from original price for some stuff other than giving free gifts.

Today's extremely low, don't really know why and don't bother to know why! All I know is that I felt very tired at work and time seems to drift so slowly! Clean the popper, machines and other things to make myself feel as though time move by pretty quickly and it did works for quite awhile until at the end of the day, I had to clean 3D specs for the Usher, gosh it was killer, totally draining my life away during that few moment lol.

Oh well, today's over! Hope tomorrow's gonna be way better! Working at 3.30pm though.. *@*#&$(@#

Ciao.

Asphyxia.

2010-03-10T08:09:00.003+08:00

I can't seems to adjust my sleeping hours, it's just so difficult to shift it all back! Probably meeting Weijie later for his chalet (Yes, I'm crashing it without invitation) and I hope it'll be good because we'll probably be catching up although it's kinda weird for me to crash the chalet. I have no life, and I'd really admit that! Geez, I'm trying to get out of the house every now and then BUT it always turn out that I have nowhere to land on! Perhaps tomorrow's different! Anyway, have been thinking about traveling! Not just overseas but also around in Singapore (weird because it's boring).

Having work on Friday, Saturday and Sunday's a bitch! They totally take up your time near the weekends and the weekends itself! I hate having shift on these days, especially when it's until closing, it's even more of a bitch! Anyway, no point ranting about it, just hoping that it'll turn out smooth and clean. I'm trying to catch some sleep now, hope I'll just doze off sooner or later, peace.

Ciao.

Tell me, tell me it's not right for me to fall for you.

2010-03-08T02:52:00.000+08:00

A portion from "Have a little faith." by Mitch Albom.

2010-03-06T05:12:00.003+08:00

What do you do when you lose a loved one too quickly? When you have no time to prepare before, suddenly, that soul is gone? Ironically, the man who could best answer that was sitting in front of me. Because the worst loss you can suffer had already happened to him.

It was 1953, just a few years into his job at the temple. He and Sarah had a growing family: their son, Shalom, who was now five, and their four-year-old twin girls, Orah and Rinah. The first name means light. The second means joy. In a single night, joy was lost.

(Skipping part due to copyright, get the book!)

"I cursed God," he'd admitted when we'd spoken about it. "I asked him over and over, 'Why her? What did this little girl do? She was four years old. She didn't hurt a soul.'"

Did you get the answer?

"I still have no answer."

Did that make you angry?

"For a while, furious."

Did you feel guilty cursing God-you, of all people?

"No," he said. "Because even in doing so, I was recognizing there was a greater power than me." He paused.

"And that is how I began to heal."

omgwtfbbq.

2010-03-05T16:46:00.001+08:00

Feels fuck-ed up again :/

Empty, house.

2010-03-03T16:17:00.002+08:00

No one's home, no food, no nothing. Mom's spending most of her time at sister's house, Dad's out for work (like finally) and so did J and Siyu. My sleeping hours is very screwed, I have no idea what time I will feel tired and what time I'm waking up because each time I'm awake, I just wanna catch more sleep! Most probably because I've been sleeping after the break of dawn lately and it's definitely not healthy! I need to catch up on things and yes, I slept through the meetup with cousin.

I'm really dead beat! I can lie here in my bed for hours doing nothing, not even getting myself food. My cough has been on and off for nearly a month now, it's getting really annoying and yet, I don't rely on medicine except Orange juice + Salt with no ice. AND it works like a magic remedy lol. I'm getting really sleepy even by posting this entry, used to think that having a life like that is so enjoyable but I'm wrong! IT'S retarded and boring! Home alone, no one's home. How pathetic?

Ciao.

With or Without.

2010-03-03T06:00:00.000+08:00

Sleeping will get in my way yesterday, thus I didn't and the aftermath was stressful and tiring! I walked over to sis's place at 7.30am and sending Zander to school was interesting! It's actually his first bus ride to school and he was quiet all the while because he's shy! Besides Zander being quiet, Ezanne didn't make much noise either! They're so big now, time definitely flies.

I have to admit that kids nowadays are catching up, Zander's only 2 and he's taking up classes. I only recall my earliest class I've ever had was when I'm around 4 or 5 and whatever I learn there is what Zander's learning! Anyway! After sending him to school, went to grab some Subway sandwich with mom for breakfast and it was great! Reach home at only around 11am and I was dead beat!

I'm catching up with my cousin later, heard we're heading to Beach road or something and I have no idea where's that exactly at despite the number of times I heard about this road hahaha! Okay need to catch some sleep now, waking up in 4 hours time and I'm posting with my mobile :/

Ciao.

Once in awhile..

2010-02-28T20:22:00.008+08:00

I should update my blog, it's really dead. I'm damn lazy to post everytime I reach home, it's just a regular basis I have to blog about; Work -> Home -> Drop dead. Apart from work, I went to watch "True Legend" and "Dear John" the other day with Xinyan and some other cs people from 'Joker' server. "True Legend" is pretty.... I don't know how to describe the movie, doesn't feel worth watching. "Dear John" was a lot better than "True Legend", but it could've been better! But they changed the story, isn't the same as the book :o Sakura was awkward to the max after that, really had quite a pain-in-the-ass time there because I totally know no one at all! Went home early that day, bought some vodka to drink for fun because it's been long since I had something!

Okay, I really didn't want to share about work but I can't help and to rant about it when I thought about today's work. Did opening which was fine because I'm suppose to do that, other than that, usher was late and so I had to go up there to help. Lack of manpower sucks shit, had a hell load of problems just trying to get people up to assist usher, and when I got enough people, they got drag down "MYSTERIOUSLY". Other than all these, everything was fine.. If this shit goes on at this rate, I'm out soon! This isn't me, tolerating this type of crap, gosh.

No point stressing about work, it's Zander's 2 years old birthday celebration last evening/night, had a great time doing nothing much (lol) there and the food was alright! Apart from that, I was using my laptop to surf the net and play cs with sis's internet lol. And also a little catching up session with cousin hahaha! I'm trying to get sufficient sleep but keep failing to lately, really hard to kick off such bad habits, and yes it's killing me. Tomorrow's not working, I guess I'll take this time to regenerate myself ahahah!

On a sidenote, I find myself not sleeping at all at times, I can lay down for hours with my thoughts going on when I'm awake, which is really annoying because I didn't get to sleep! Oh gosh, I need a quick-change!

Ciao.

Rushing through, killin' days.

2010-02-20T05:35:00.002+08:00

I've been living near the edge of my life, reaching the peak of my tired-ness. Eventually, I still can't break down yet, just not yet. Work has been harsh, running up and down around Box/Concession and Ushering's not a joke nor a child's play, it's tiring yet very slack at times. Although I put a * (it means off) on Wednesday, I still had to go back for work, weird but I can't resist not to go but to help because it's just me.

My work shift's really havoc, I can be a full-time staff at this rate of working hours and duty I'm doing now, doing all the things full-time should do is even worst, might be even capable of overtaking, but there's no point to it. I'm dead tired at times yet whenever I'm around at work, I feel a bit more energetic. Maybe it's capable of killing time unlike staying at home rotting yourself with junk food or worst, computer games.

I'm dying to go out sometimes but realise I end up going nowhere because I have nowhere to go! Worst, I need to go down to M1 for a change of sim card but I'm apparently lazy to do so! I'm too lazy to face problems given by operator of phones/services, it's just so much trouble, dammit. I still can't sleep early, partly is work, especially for yesterday and today's! Reaching home around 4am for both days is draining my life badly :S But I can't get to sleep when I'm home, which is worst! I wake up numerous times just because of weird and funny dreams and yet, some dream is just so irony that I can actually replay them in my mind and started laughing to it but, it's really not that I'm crazy lol.

I have work today, it's the 6th day I'm working for this week, I'm wondering.. Is my sunday taken this time round? Sigh! What a way to kill my life with, work, gosh.

Ciao.

Miserable.

2010-02-16T04:41:00.002+08:00

Don't question, because I just feel this way.
It's like I pull a trigger onto myself, purposely doing it.
Feeling really terrible at this latest hour, earliest day and I can't sleep.
5am in the morning again, I'm so dead, this isn't the first night already.
I should just die, this cough is annoying me, I feel like slitting my throat.
I really have no idea why I wanna do all these but,
IT'S LIKE HAVING A DEEP SORROW, A DEEP TROUBLE, SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO SCREAM OUT LOUD TRAPPED IN YOUR HEART BUT YET YOU CAN'T RELEASE IT BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKED UP.
Enough of ranting, I'm feeling still fucked up.

Spending and more spending.

2010-02-10T22:52:00.004+08:00

I was walking around Westmall yesterday after getting my haircut, got myself 3 shirts was already enough I thought and right after work today, I spend another $200 on food, belt, shirt and trousers. This is getting annoying, NETS payment is a obstacle I can't seems to get through with and yet, it's something I can't live without sometimes. I need to save up, anyway I went down to Haji Lane's Carbon4 earlier, realise they do not intake CLOT stuff, which is sad actually :/ It'll be perfect if they do but oh well, nevermind!

Work was pathetic today! $59.90 sales in the morning was really pathetic but who to blame when your mall is located at such a place whereby people have to call and ask "Where is your iluma building located at?". Answering these isn't that annoying anyway, the most annoying ones are those who ask a load of questions about movies and end up not coming over to get any lmao (Anyway you won't know who did and who didn't but who cares, it's still troublesome).

I'm working at a weird shift tomorrow, starting at 8pm until 2am, "wtf" was my reaction at first but then, I realise I have to "Guide/Teach" the newcomers how to do a actual closing (lol?). Anyway hope it's gonna be alright because I'm still sick like zillion years ago, okay I'm going mad, I need some rest. Chillax people..

Ciao.

P/S : I was standing in the middle of Bugis Junction mall today and something struck my mind... What have I been doing for the past 4 years? Was it wasted effort? Did I even try? It came out to be.. "No, I didn't because I was afraid." What beats me the most was, what was I really afraid of? I can't help but keep sighing and regret whenever I thought about it...

A perfect reason..

2010-02-09T04:32:00.003+08:00

Where were we?

2010-02-05T16:08:00.002+08:00

I'm currently contaminated with virus such as 'Flu' and 'Sorethroat', it isn't going to cure in short period of time and this seriously sucks. It's been quite a while since I gotten sick this bad. Putting this aside, out of random-ness, I want to say that I love rainy days, it keeps me sleepy and I won't want to wake up as long as it's raining (at least not when it's this heavy). Another fun fact to add on to is that I have just recieved my pay, it's almost the same amount as last month's. I think I am saving up this time (Noted, think). But still I'm also waiting for AVP's game to be release, not only that but also final fantasy's new series. Apart from all these, I think I have nothing much more to spend on.

Work's bad, I keep going to toilet because of my stupid flu, also my sorethroat because it disable my ability to voice out loud when I'm always telling this newcomer to voice out loud.. But other than this two thing, everything else is fine. I need to get a life when I'm not working but it seems that it's hard because whenever I'm not working, other people's always busy with their stuff too! Thus, it's not that I don't have a life, it's because our schedule don't match. I feel like eating toast, I feel like eating Pancake, which I bought a pack of it, thinking of when to make some yesterday. Okay, this post is random but I'm loving it because I have nothing to do and nothing much to say as all I have in mind is now written here. Peace people!

Ciao.

Caught-up..

2010-01-29T13:15:00.002+08:00

Just recently, I went to register for my school. And just recently, I have been sleeping early, at least much earlier than usual. Work isn't good because it's boring! The whole lobby/mall was like ghost town yester-night, it's really empty -.- Well! Most of the time spent on talking and moving around lately, because we really got nothing much to do.

On a side note, I'm looking for something else to work on, perhaps a job to fill up saturday and sunday or maybe even monday to friday evening because my school starts around 31st May 2010 from 9am to 5pm.. So most probably finding something to work on these days even while schooling because my life will be a boring if I don't have anything to do (excluding studying/studies).

I have a bad feeling bout my pay this month, I think it'll be little, much little than last month partly because of the rates.. And partly because of my hours spent working.. I don't really put work as priority after last month, I've found something else to work on, something that makes life much more fruitful to live on perhaps! Apart from that, I'm trying to read again because I totally lost balance on reading and doing nothing during free time. My mind needs to be more active than usual, perhaps spamming more $$$ on books rather than just food (lmao).

Okay, I got work in like 4 hours time, should take a little more nap until 3pm now! Cheers people!

Ciao.

I'm human.

2010-01-26T02:45:00.003+08:00

The only person that can really motivate you other than yourself is maybe the other someone.

I have work in a couple of hours more, in other words, I am working morning shift and I have a couple of hours more to sleep. This isn't it, the few hours of OT seems to go down the drain because eventually, the 'Exit Hallway' wasn't thoroughly clean, crap. Oh well, I won't be stepping there anymore, usher's duty tomorrow lol. I seriously need to rest sufficiently instead of having too much or little rest because it's really killer lmao. Other than that, I have nothing much to complain about life because it has been great now.

Looking far ahead, I need to do alot of things in the upcoming days/weeks/months.

Getting motivated, what a biatch lol.

Be more positive about work. *This only relates to lately anyway.

Sleep early. *Saying it won't help, gonna prove it soon.

Defer National Shit-vice (NS).

Apart from all these, I'm having a list of goals/achievements I'm trying to get to.. And it's all going back to square one like 4 years ago.... But it's gonna be new this time round! A fresh start ahead, I don't want to waste my year 2010 this time round now :) Have a nice rest people!

Ciao.

F-up-routine.

2010-01-24T13:30:00.002+08:00

I swear I was damn angry after work a few days ago because of my working schedule, even thought of quitting because it was unreasonable but now, hope everything's okay again. Might be getting another job too before school starts, I'm apparently looking for new things to learn, if not it'll bore me to death. Work has been so-far-so-good I guess.. Working for 9 hours yesterday is shit, I mean shit because I was tired BUT after I went to MOSBurger, damn it sure was funny and refreshing.

Putting that aside! I'm looking forward to my days ahead again! Perhaps I'm over it but at the same time, I'm still worried about certain things. Forget it, I have work at 6pm later on, until 11pm.. That means I can't drop by MOSBurger! SHIT! Forget bout it! I guess I shall go there some other time LOL! Okay, need to get going, I'm still tired despite more-than-12-hours-of-sleep. Have a nice day ahead of you people!

Ciao.

"Should" and "Shouldn't"

2010-01-19T01:08:00.003+08:00

David Choi - Always hurt

I don't want to give my heart to someone new,
I've been there before and it's my heart she tore in two.
Can somebody please stop me,
from falling for this girl.
I don't want to have to go through love again
cause it always hurts.

Should
-Go for what I really want and not just need.
-Set a goal or a list of achievements I want to make.
-Start to really focus on things I should really focus on.
-Balance up social life and not just let work consume every part of life.
-Rest well, eat well and maintain it.
-Save money.

Shouldn't
-Be too good to people because it might lead to wrong opinions from others.
-Get up late at night just to use the laptop for even a-shortest-while.
-Spend too much money on junk food.
-Get any pairs of sneakers that draws my attention.
-Be too spendthrift (although I'm not).

Apart from all these, Sentosa outing was alright! We spent an hour plus gathering everyone around and another hour to buy snacks/drinks and to get to the beach. We spent a little time playing volleyball, moving on to the look-for-a-shelter-and-dodge-the-rain time, followed by playing 'Dogs & Bones' when jerrold and prakash comes but we took the rough game, we played it the rugby style hahahaha! Been a long time since I played rugby and it was awesome! Went off around 6pm and probably idle through the day :S

Oh yeah, recapping back to earlier this morning, before we set off to Harbourfront station, there's this freaking frankenstein (I'd would call him that) corrected us with his 'British English' and it was really irritating because I really dislike british accent (I'm not racist but hey, I believe 6 out of 10 american dislike their accent too). He even commented on MJ, which pisses me off because he say MJ's fake, he can't afford to be like him and just want to diss people off, pissed to the core. Anyway, forget about that, he's probably crazy or something because he studied too much.

I'm worned out now! I can't believe it's been quite a while since I've last gone to a beach and today's pretty much okay. Hope the next one's gonna be really soon and hope it won't rain next time, AGAIN!

Ciao.

Junk-ed!

2010-01-17T04:42:00.002+08:00

My room is in a mess, shit!
I need a mass cleanup in this place!
The shirts are really piling up day by day because I'm lazy to fold them!
I have no idea where to stack my shoes now!
AND last but not least, I have no idea where to even begin with, SHIT!

You..

2010-01-16T14:30:00.000+08:00

At around this time 4 years ago, I just started going after you.

I just know you at that place.
I just know you and I was really glad.
I just know you and yet we had so much misunderstanding.
I just know you and I couldn't resist myself from getting crazy over you.
I just know you and you can't stop me from falling deeper.
I just know you and you're still perfect no matter how people criticize you.
I just know you and..

I shouldn't continue anymore now because,

it's hopeless now.

Almost daily now..

2010-01-15T00:17:00.003+08:00

Work was 'great' because I totally had not enough of sleep. Haven't been in such a state for a long time, it's as though I was floating across the whole place and I only made less than $300 sales today? Rearranged the raw corns/sugar and oil in the storeroom and it's more neat now, like finally. I'm getting some break tomorrow, nothing much on other than me getting more rest! Saturday and Sunday's filled with work again and I'm going Sentosa on Monday, hope I can wake up on time and won't be late!

Almost daily's refering to all these entries.. I've been really free lately and although I claim to be free, I still don't have much time to continue reading Mitch Albom's latest book.. I think I'll try to find time to read tomorrow because I don't have much to do (I just repeated what I wrote earlier, much earlier) and I'm suffering from bad stomachache despite having regular meals today. I'm in deep shit soon I think, not literally but still, I think I'm falling ill sooner or later gosh.

Ciao.

You said your alone.

But no, your not.

Sin-full.

2010-01-14T03:22:00.002+08:00

Caught 'Fourth Kind' at Iluma today, interesting film and nice recordings. We didn't manage to laugh like how we usually did at movie (E.g. Phobia2, Sorority Rows and any other horror movies) this time, because it wasn't all that funny and scary and instead, we left the cinema thinking of whether is it really true or false lmao! Anyway, catch the movie if you have spare time for it, otherwise, watch other movie because there's alot of nice shows coming out soon.

AND I bought another 2 pairs of Nike kicks. No, I'm not spendthrift! It caught my attention like seriously! I haven't bought anymore shoes since last year (excluding yesterday's Puma) and the previous one I wanted to go for was near $300-$400. Today, I used $200 for 2 pairs of shoes, it was definitely worth it! Talking about shoes, I was still looking out for G-Unit Reebok shoes, but I still can't find them! So I think I'm going to drop the idea of getting any of them :/ UNLESS Clot release some new kicks that collaborate with Nike that really catch my attention, maaaaaan, I have got nothing much to say anymore hahaha!

Regarding studies, I'm giving consideration to MDIS's business school.. It's the only "Hopeful" private that's really reliable and recognized other than SIM. I can't get through SIM's requirement unless I go through a 6 month observation/training, neither will I spend 6 months of training before they give consideration again for admission.. It's totally daylight robbery because you need to pay for that additional 6 months fee, quite ridiculous in my opinion. I'm still looking for more recognize school.. Suddenly realize that it's also hard to look for private school, not just private O's retake :S This is killing my brain from time to time once I thought about it.

I'm waking up at 7am, 3 hours from now. I think I'm going to have not enough sleep but I can't stop now, gonna keep moving if not I'll stop pumping already! I need a change in life soon too! Sleeping early, waking up early, going for a jog in the morning, what a joke because that's way out of my league already, thanks to the not-recovered-fully slipped disk.. Additional sigh to that, I'm not as active as I used to be lmao. Okay, I really need to catch some sleep, like now.

Ciao.

Brunch x Work x Puma

2010-01-13T03:25:00.002+08:00

My stomach is craving for food now, only had brunch today with mom at 'Bali Thai'. More on 'Bali Thai', we always pass by this restaurant without taking a single glimpse at the menu but today, I was totally out of idea on where to eat, where to have good meals and I was starving, thus we went in and settle down for brunch. BUT, it turns out pretty good and I don't mind going back there for another meal again!

Work was alright although I was kinda struggling when I was starving pretty badly at 11pm, tend to slack off a little while washing stuff. Overtime until 1.30am while waiting for Yee to cab back with me, hall isn't clean, so we had to make a few rounds there and the hallway stinks like dunghole, gosh lol. Knocking off was perhaps the best feeling I'd had today because I totally felt the load off my back after a long day, reaching home was even better, I am famished and exhausted yet I can't find anything to replenish what I've lost today! :S

Bought a pair of Puma shoes for work, my old converse black shoes tip went off, needed a pair of new shoes long ago anyway.. Was planning to look for Nike or Adidas shoes for work while I was on my break looking for shoes.. BUT Nike's new arrival is tomorrow, so they don't have any black shoes and I still can't get myself to buy adidas, costy with 3 stripes which I don't like hahahah! Anyway, the puma shoes wasn't really expensive, classic-type-of-shoes (simple) in my opinion, only 89 bucks! Worthwhile I guess, hope it'll last long enough for work although it's pretty slippery when it comes in contact with water.

I'm on a lookout for private school and retakes as private candidates for O's. Private school's pretty easy to find but retakes seems to be harder, I'm still caught in a dilemma, I can't decide which to go for because either one seems to be hard to handle if I don't have the "heart" to study for it and it's really risky too! Die die die die die, time is running out pretty fast if I don't decide soon, I know because time goes so slowly last time, now it's speeding like a rocket to me :S GOSH!

Ciao.

你

2010-01-12T10:08:00.000+08:00

你的明天有多快乐不是我的而你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的

Haunted.

2010-01-11T02:16:00.002+08:00

This is the 4th time I woke up so suddenly. I was planning to sleep early at 9pm, the first dream that interupted me was at 11.30pm, followed on by 12.30am, 1.30am and now, not even 30 minutes of bedtime and I'm up again. Ironically, the 12.30am one was pretty creepy lmao. Dad was in my room checking whether am I asleep and when I woke up after the nightmare, I sit right up (yes, naturally, totally not trying to freak him out) and he look at me shocked lol! They're all bad dreams yet I can't seems to remember vividly what really happened. It seems like they're something in the past yet something that doesn't exist, maybe not yet. Damn it, I am thinking too much.. I guess it's just earlier.. Well forget it, drop that, I'm going to bed again.. I just came online to browse emails because I couldn't sleep but I'm sleepy now again already lol!

Ciao.

Maybe it's you?

Brainstorming..

2010-01-09T18:40:00.001+08:00

Still cracking my brain.. still cracking.. and cracking.. Retaking subjects or private school?!

Forget it! I can't find a solution either. Work's tomorrow, I need to get myself up as early as 7.15am again! I had enough rest, I'm feeling energetic, I need to run soon, random I know but I feel like running. Drop that topic, met Evelyn for lunch earlier today after her work, went to Clementi to get her mp4 after lunch and while we're on our way back to my house, we help one of this Thai lady to find some temple located at some WCEGA building or whatever building.

Fun facts rolling in,

"The temple", is located inside one building at the ninth level; this help them to save money and and government to save land.

There's more than just two temple in that level alone although the building is really isolated; it's still creepy and weird.

I went there before but I've never noticed all the temple there lmao!

Singaporeans Thai-speaking ability is good LOL.

Anyway! Went to some Thai religious place at Bukit Timah's beauty world mall and Evelyn had her fortune telling thing there because the Thai lady wanted to thank us for helping her out. Although she seems to be a little to over-religious hahahaha! Anyway I felt pretty uncomfortable at first when we enter that building because that place is totally weird. It's like those factories whereby you see in movies, those big ones with not much people in it and etc lmao. I really couldn't bring myself to trust the people at first until I reach somewhere familiar (the mall of course).

Enough about this-and-that ranting, today's alright I guess, at least I spent 2 hours helping someone-in-need at the end of the day :S Other than that, the fortune telling thing is kinda useless to me, because I've been taught to just-listen-will-do by mom. I'm not really religious, I'm just curious but I guess I've learnt something today too, at least more of Thai's god? Lmao! Okay grabbing some dinner..

Ciao.

Bring back memories because I feel like dancing sometimes.

2010-01-08T04:54:00.002+08:00

I'm having this terrible weird habit, that is to wake up after 2-4hours sleep every night. Then I'll be having insomnia. I promised mom for breakfast at 9am later on, I can't get to bed after I woke up at 4.30am to grab a drink, pathetic! Now I'm hoping to do something really slow and boring and I can make myself sleep BUT I can't seems to find anything to do that all, which is boring but can't make me sleepy at all. Okay, I think I need to off my laptop, maybe that's like a thousand times more boring and maybe I can sleep more easily with it off-ed. BK later on!

Ciao.

Hardwork pay off.

2010-01-08T00:09:00.002+08:00

I recieved my pay today, gonna save december's money, maybe spending this upcoming one, yes this month's. I feel tired but still quite awake maybe because I'm working late tomorrow, about 6pm (got no link between it but whatever). I remember the first thing I told myself today when I woke up is "Sleep early tonight, it's a must." but I can't seems to do so, gosh this is killer. Caught 'Treasure Hunter' after work today, the movie was alright.. Wanted to watch 'Vampire Assistant' BUT helped out at work without OT and in the end, was very late for it already lol.

What's more irony is that I got stuck in the handicap lift with rashif while I was helping out LMAO! It jammed there for almost 15 minutes and in the end, got out after they "unlock" the door by using the screwdriver lol. Anyway, work's good lately.. Result's known to be out on monday, but I don't seems to bother to look forward to it lol. Tired to even care now, I'm more into the present now :/ Gosh, I shall take a break because I don't even know what I'm trying to write when I'm typing all this rofl.

Ciao.

It's a pity because humans don't treasure the present.

2010-01-05T23:56:00.002+08:00

I just spent the whole day finish watching "American Pie 1/2/3/4/5/6/7" and it's hilarious.

I need a new book because I finished the previous one and it's boring to the core if I reach work early.

I have work at 9.30am tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and also sunday.

I am going to bed soon because I'm feeling really sleepy today.

Ciao.

Control.

2010-01-02T06:42:00.001+08:00

I manage to gain control of my thoughts. It's true, you can control your thoughts like a living thing and true enough, thoughts isn't something that comes by naturally but it's something that you come up with. I'm feeling energized lately after reading the book I've recieved on xmas, it's somewhat true and realistic. I love reading, I'm finishing this book very soon because I didn't realise I spent almost 2 hours reading it today hahah. I need a good book soon after this, and oh yeah, work was great! Although I almost lose my temper on one customer BUT I manage to get a hold of myself because I don't want to repeat/commit any mistake as we all know, human beings are idiotic sometimes, we just gonna bear with ourselves :D

Ciao.

Because.

2009-12-31T02:18:00.002+08:00

Helping others is what really makes me happy, and when you stop me from doing it just because you're selfish and inconsiderate about others, I get really annoyed. I rather die if I can't make my life more meaningful when I don't help others, it's just so meaningless. Maybe mom's right, you just don't want any thing to happen to me but to me, IF it has to happen, I'd rather it happen because I want to experience things.
I want to know what will happen if I do this and that,
I want to go through almost everything I've never been through before,
I want to know what should I do next by using my own brain,
I want to pick up from wherever I would fall,
I want to help as many people as I can,
I want to be myself,
I want to be gracious instead of being selfish,
I want to be considerate,
I want to do what I think is right.

Ciao.

Partly resolved.

2009-12-30T14:53:00.002+08:00

I spoke to them about some matters, at least for now they understood what I really meant. Talk was good, I'm taking a break now, going for work again at 4pm. Have a nice day people!

Ciao.